A Day with the Hosts is a Picnic in the Park
by claraowl
Summary: Haruhi, reunited with her friends from middle school, is at a small picnic in the local park. What could interrupt this brilliant day better than a hat thief, a mistaken identity, and a new version of a well-beloved soliloquy? The hosts, of course - but to what lengths is Haruhi willing to go to disguise herself? The rating is for Haruhi's ever-classic line; enjoy!
1. Of Hats, Bees, and Insanity

**Okay, I know that it's been a while, and I have other fics to attend to, but I just couldn't resist this! Kindly sink in your teeth and enjoy. ;) **

**I do not own OHSHC, **_**Hamlet**_**, or the unfortunate closeness (in my mind, at least) of the words applause and applesauce.**

"I'll see you later, Dad - I'm going out with the girls today," Haruhi called as she slipped on her shoes.

"Send Kyoya my regards," Ranka called back.

"No, Dad," Haruhi laughed slightly as she slipped on her other shoe, "not the hosts. I'm getting together with my friends from middle school." _Although,_ she thought, _as the Host Club_ _seems to appear wherever I go, I probably will see them._ Laughing in a resigned sort of way at this notion, Haruhi set off to the designated meeting place, picnic basket in hand.

Roughly fifteen minutes later, she arrived at the park. She allowed herself to soak in the smell of the grass and the heat of the sunshine, enjoying the day. They had been lucky that today was a nice day; otherwise, they would've had to have held their picnic in Kasumi's basement - with her brothers around, their gathering could only have ended in chaos and disaster. Swinging her picnic basket happily, Haruhi set off into the park in search of her friends.

"Haruhi! Over here!" Kasumi, sitting on a blanket with six other girls, was waving like a mad woman - which, essentially, she was. Far from being misty-eyed at the reunion of her old group, she was (as ever) excessively exuberant about her happiness.

Haruhi, laughing, walked over to her old friends and plopped down in the spot they had left open for her. "You never change, do you?"

"Nope!" Kasumi cheered, leaning across Hoshi to give Haruhi a hug. "Anyway, put your basket in the center with the others. You brought dessert, right?"

"Of course," Haruhi grinned, rolling her eyes and hugging her friend back. "No one would dare forget the dessert when Tamami's around."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Tamami interjected, setting out the sandwiches.

"Anyway," Hoshi said, removing Kasumi's arms from in front of her face, "it's great to see you again, Haruhi. What've you been up to?"

"Same here, and a rather lot," Haruhi smiled. "However, I have the feeling that my explanations are going to take a long time, so why don't the rest of you share your news before I explain?"

The girls agreed; after all, they had well into the wee hours of the morning to catch up. Akimi began their catch-up session by regaling them with the stories of her valiant struggles with her daily milk carton - most of which she, being Akimi, lost spectacularly.

Kaede continued their session by informing them that, quite unfortunately, her prize leaf collection had been eaten by her pet ferret - the latter having shown up in her dreams wearing a large, purple, felt hat and swinging a lasso.

Hoshi entertained them by performing a brief bit of her soliloquy from her latest play - which had, of course, been a parody of _Hamlet _- _Beelet. _"To bee, or not to bee - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the stings and bites of the queen bee, or to take fuzzy legs against the hive of troubles," she declared dramatically, striking a pose. "And by opposing it, to be squished, to die, to fly; no more, and by flying, we say to end a stinger-ache, and the thousand screaming people running away from our hive in the parking lot that bees are heir to? 'Tis a honey-maker's devout wish. To die, to fly; to fly, perchance to buzz; Aye, there's the rub, for in that buzz of fly what honey may come once we have flown from this mortal pollen." Her impromptu performance was met by laughter and applause from her friends, who rewarded her with applesauce. Hoshi bowed and accepted her cinnamon-scented reward.

Makimi told of her spider plant garden, which was doing quite well. It was doing _so_ well, in fact, that it had basically taken over her living room. She warned them never to put such a jungle plant in a bunt pan over a sink, for it would result in a bunt monster.

Tamami simply did a headstand, and offered no explanation whatsoever - which was more than enough for everyone to understand exactly what she'd been up to as of late.

Kasumi went off on a rather odd tangent about how difficult it is to get your hands on frog spawn; apparently, she had wanted to attempt to figure out what witches and wizards did with such a thing.

Yachi, after giving them a basic idea of her ordinary life, suddenly grabbed a plate, held it over her head, and screamed, "It's over Yachi!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Of course not, Haruhi, darling," Yachi drawled, grinning. "It doesn't matter if you know now that the gag is with nine thousand, not eight thousand. We're never going to let you forget it any more than you will let me forget the incident with Kasumi's stuffed dog." At this last phrase, the rest of the girls began to laugh; after all, the memory of their friend being scared out of her wits was among their fondest.

"Now," Kasumi beamed, grabbing a piece of watermelon and turning her attention to Haruhi, "tell us everything. We haven't seen you since a week after your self-inflicted haircut. How is life at the school of damn rich bastards?"

"Surprisingly insane," Haruhi laughed. "Have I told you all about the club I was forced to join?"

"No," the girls chorused, settling in for a good story.

"Well," Haruhi paused, drawing out their anticipation, "it's a host club."

After seven synchronized jaw drops and seven respective jaw-re-hinges, Kaede asked, "Do you mean those places where the gals go in and pay to drink with a guy who compliments them?"

"Essentially, yes," Haruhi sighed, "but we drink coffee instead of alcohol, obviously."

"But don't only men work at those places?" Yachi asked in confusion.

"Normally, yes," Haruhi sighed. "You see, with the exception of the club members and one unfortunate Yakuza boss-to-be, the entire student body believes me to be male." This announcement was received with seven blank stares; Haruhi proceeded to explain the entire fiasco leading up to and following the destruction of the fateful vase in music room three.

"So," Kasumi said, after absorbing this information, "are you on good terms with the other members?"

"Yes, quite well, actually," Haruhi nodded, rummaging in her bag and extracting the portrait bracelet that the hosts had given her. "They tend to dote on me for some reason. They gave me this."

"Tell us about them!" Tamami demanded, beaming, after examining the bracelet.

"Well," Haruhi began, pointing at Tamaki's picture, "to begin with, there's Tamaki-sempai, the host club king; he's a second-year. He tends to woo a large following of ladies with his kind words and good looks. He's a bit sensitive, though, and has a habit of growing mushrooms in a corner when he gets depressed. It's kind of amusing, actually, as he visits his corner at least three times a day. He loves dogs and is half-French. He also has an odd habit of assigning the club members family names; he's Daddy, Kyoya-sempai," she pointed to his picture, and did so with each successive host when she said their name, "is Mommy, Hikaru and Kaoru are their sons - my brothers, because apparently I'm the daughter - and Mori-sempai and Hunny-sempai are the neighbors. He's an idiot, but I suppose that he's pleasant enough.

Next, she pointed to Kyoya's picture. "This is Kyoya-sempai, the shadow lord, also known as the demon king. He's highly intelligent, and I get the feeling that he's even more capable of taking over the world than Akimi's pineapples or Makimi's spider plants. He has ways of getting all sorts of information, and will use it to his advantage. He has a great deal of pride, and he hides his exceptionally powerful passion behind his façade. He's got an angle for everything, is apparently terrifying when he's woken up, and can be so evil that it's actually refreshing. He has one way or another to control each and every member of the host club - mine being my debt, of course. He's the vice-president of the host club by name, but he is the one who's really in charge of everything - especially finances. But he cares about people more than he shows, and is actually a surprisingly kind, innocent guy.

"This is Hikaru," she said, pointing to his picture, "the older of the two devil types, and the more devilish of the two. He's a bit childish, and tends to be extremely possessive; he gets jealous easily. He has very little control over his emotions, but can be rather amusing at times. He's extremely attached to his younger brother, Kaoru; I think that this is what inspired their incestuous play at the club - the over-the-top brotherly love kind of deal. He tends to initiate a lot of the stuff he and Kaoru do to me, with Kaoru following half a second later. Hikaru can get in the way if you're trying to do something important, though - and he's pretty selfish. He's really loud and can be somewhat unreasonable, but he also has a bit of a softer side, and is very artistic. However, he and Kaoru are so wrapped up in their own little world that it's not even funny half of the time… and the two of them are extremely dedicated to pleasure. They refer to me as their toy.

"This one is Kaoru," she said, pausing to draw her breath. "He's the younger and calmer Hitachiin twin. He can be very sweet at times, but tends to decide how people feel and act accordingly. He's more sensible that Hikaru, but still goes along with his insanities most of the time - and even starts a few. He's extremely artistic and is quite amusing at times. Kaoru can be rather helpful, if you can coax him into doing something; he likes to lick things - or, at least, my cheek. He's relatively intelligent, I suppose - at least, he's smarter than his brother (although I suppose that that's not saying much). He's gentle, and fears separation, so he puts Hikaru before him for everything - even if he really wanted whatever it was," here she paused a moment, her expression unreadable, before she continued. "When you get him on his own, he's relatively calm and even fun to talk with… not that the others aren't. In some ways, he's selfish - in others, he's selfless. He's also really devoted to pleasure, and likes to force me to play dress-up with him and his brother. I suppose that I'm closer to the two of them than the rest of the club, since they're in my class.

"This is Mori-sempai, known to Hunny-sempai as Takashi," Haruhi continued, moving her finger to the next portrait. "He's usually stoic and silent, but is apparently the wild type. Personally, I find him to be very caring - not just about Hunny-sempai (I'll explain that later), but about everyone. He's a gentle giant, but he's probably more than capable of putting someone through a wall. I wonder what he thinks about - he's the only - and do I mean only - other quiet person in the host club, including our guests. The exception to this rule is when he gets sleepy, at which point he starts talking and calls people cute. It's rather unnerving, to tell you the truth, but not altogether bad. I suppose that he's rather well-built, and he's adept when it comes to fixing things. He's majoring in law and he is very intelligent. He's surprisingly pessimistic, as was the case when Hunny-sempai got a cavity. Mori-sempai tends to take care of Hunny-sempai, his cousin, due to old lord-servant bonds - I guess it's just in his blood." Here, she paused and shrugged before continuing, "Most of his fans are the earnest, shy types, but he gets along with pretty much everyone.

"Finally, there's Hunny-sempai, also known as Mitsukuni," she continued, pointing at the picture of the small boy. "Believe it or not, he's the same age as Mori-sempai; they're cousins. Even though he's tiny and usually quite sweet, Hunny-sempai is extremely powerful and quite dangerous. For example, if you got his Bun-Bun dirty or wake him up from his nap, there's a good chance that you'll wind up seriously injured if Mori-sempai's not there to calm him down. He has a fondness for cakes and anything cute, especially bunnies. Most of his customers feel more of a maternal love than a sexual love - with the exception of Reiko Kanazuki-san, who is a member of the black magic club. He consumes a large quantity of cake per day, and once caused quite the uproar by getting a cavity. Honestly, those damn rich bastards have nothing more worrying in their lives than the occasional cavity…" she let herself trail off, and then looked up at her gaping friends. "What?"

"That speech…" Yachi said, pretending to gather the words into her hands, and then holding the bundle above her head, "…is over Yachi!"

The other girls laughed; Akimi shouted, over the hilarity, "In word-inches, that is!"

"That doesn't even make sense," Haruhi protested through her own laughter.

"Seriously, though," Kaede said after the laughter had died down, "that was unexpected. Do you honestly spend that much time with those guys?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Haruhi sighed. "I mean, they're nice enough, but it seems like they're wherever I go - even when I was working Karuizawa one summer, they followed me there. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I turned around and saw them at the park entrance."

"You mean, like right there?" Kasumi gasped, pointing at the park entrance.

Haruhi whirled around to look at the park entrance; to her utter relief, the six young men of Ouran Academy were not present. "One of these days, I'm going to kill you, Kasumi."

"Is that any way to treat an old friend?" Kasumi giggled, sticking her tongue out at Haruhi.

"Yes, in your case," Haruhi huffed, glaring at her.

"Come on, Haruhi," Hoshi beamed, looping an arm over her shoulder, "you know that we only tease you because we love you."

"Yeah, yeah," Haruhi replied, biting into her sandwich. "So what else is new with you lot?" And so, slowly, the conversation moved away from the hosts; Haruhi slipped back into the groove of her old friendships, laughing happily at the bizarre stories that her friends spun. Eventually, the sandwiches, chips, and fruit vanished; the girls then dug happily into dessert, teasing Tamami about her voracity. About halfway through the brownies, Haruhi happened to glance over her shoulder - and then dove across the blanket and snatched Kaede's large sunhat off of her head.

"What the heck, Haruhi?" Kaede yelped, trying to get her hat back.

"I'm begging you, just let me borrow this for a little while," Haruhi replied.

"Fine, but why?" Kaede asked, relinquishing the hold on her hat.

Tugging the hat low over her eyes, Haruhi whispered, "Do you guys remember how I told you about how the guys tend to turn up wherever I go?" The surrounding girls nodded vigorously. "Well, don't look now, but there may or may not be six rich bastards at the entrance to the park - I said, don't look!"

"Oh, my goodness!" Makimi gasped.

Akimi gaped, "They're even more gorgeous in person!"

"That's over Yachi beauty points!" Tamami giggled, earning a high-five from Kaede, who was struck speechless.

Hoshi swooned dramatically. "Oh, I'd give anything to have those arms around me!"

"Which ones?" Yachi giggled.

"Any of them!" Kasumi shrieked.

"Please don't let them come over here, please don't let them come over here, please -" Haruhi chanted in a whisper, before glancing over her shoulder and groaning. "They're coming over here - if, by some miracle, they don't recognize me, I am keeping my head down… and my name is Hitochigai, Hito for short."

"Hitochigai? Seriously?" Hoshi asked, gasping dramatically. "How unimaginative, Hito-chan!"

"Good afternoon, my lovely ladies!" exclaimed an all-too-familiar voice.

Haruhi, who had been about to retaliate to Hoshi's statement, ducked her head and pulled Kaede's hat further down over her eyes.

"I am Tamaki," the voice continued; Haruhi saw a few of her friends blushing lightly; the others were snickering. "May my friends and I have the great honor of being in your company?"

"Sure, why not?" Kasumi grinned. "Pull up a bit of grass. Who are you guys?"

Tamaki, after yanking a bit of grass out of the ground and earning himself a glare from Makimi, introduced the other hosts.

"Well, isn't this fabulous?" Tamami whispered to 'Hitochigai.' "You get to hang out with your old friends and new friends!"

"Shut up," Haruhi hissed back. "It's more like old annoyances and new annoyances, anyway."

Tamami feigned hurt before sticking out her tongue, and received a glare from under the brim of Kaede's hat for her efforts.

"Would you do us the honor of telling us your names?" Tamaki inquired, sending roses swirling and sparkles flying everywhere.

"Oh, sure," Kaede replied, talking over Kasumi and pointing to each girl in turn. "We're Hoshi, Tamami, Yachi, Makimi, Kasumi, Akimi, Kaede - that's me - and Hitochigai, Hito-chan for short."

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you," Tamaki beamed.

Kyoya adjusted his glasses, observing the girls; his gaze found one girl's face and he smirked. "Have we had the pleasure of meeting you ladies before?"

"What?" Akimi giggled. "No, never. We've never seen you before in our lives."

"Hey, do you princesses like playing games?" Hikaru asked suddenly.

"_Princesses?_" Kasumi snorted. "Where the heck did that come from?"

Hikaru flushed, unsure what to do; he had never gotten that reaction before. "Um…"

"Our apologies," Kaoru grinned, covering up for his brother. "Would you like to play a game?"

"What type of game?" Yachi asked suspiciously.

"The 'Which One Is Hikaru' game!" Hikaru and Kaoru beamed.

"Sure, why not?" Yachi shrugged. She pointed at Hikaru. "You're Hikaru."

Cue the synchronized jaw-drops of four of the male hosts and the slight snicker of 'Hito.' _You can't say that I didn't warn them about her long memory. They didn't even move or switch their hair; of course she's going to remember who's who._

Kyoya, noticing the small snicker, nodded and made a note in his book.

Hunny, ignoring all of this, had walked over to Tamami. "May I have one of your brownies?"

"Sure thing, Hunny-sempai!" Tamami grinned. "Hito-chan made them for us."

"Thank you!" Hunny beamed. "Wait, how did you know that I was your sempai?"

"Oh, a little tanuki told me," Tamami giggled. "Don't worry about it."

"Tanuki…?" Hunny asked thoughtfully, eyes flickering around to each of the girls. "A tanuki, huh…"

Tamami grinned at Hunny, ignoring the death glare the aforementioned tanuki was sending her way. After winking not-so-subtly at Haruhi, she handed Hunny another brownie; something clunked into place in Hunny's head.

"Ah," he sighed contentedly, biting into his brownie.

Mori was listening as Hoshi explained her part in _Beelet_ - and with great interest, indeed. In fact, had anyone asked him to repeat her lines, he would have been more than capable of doing so - that is, if he ever decided to speak. He gave her a slight smile and clapped softly when she sat down, so as to show his appreciation for the theater.

Hoshi's heart did a back-flip; she leaned over and whispered to Haruhi, "The theatre, the theatre, what's happened to the theatre?"

Haruhi smirked at her friend's use of their code, and whispered back, "The hosts can't date anyone individually, so don't try."

Hoshi sighed, her face falling for a moment before pretending to pout, "So I haven't got a shot with you?"

Haruhi rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No, sorry. You might want to try Kasumi."

Hoshi giggled before reaching for a brownie, winking at her tanuki-like friend. "I'll think about it, but I still think that the Sakaki-man is more my type."

The said tanuki-girl's familiar and exasperated sigh reached Mori's ears; as per usual, no emotion registered on his face.

Hikaru and Kaoru had retired somewhat gloomily to the edge of the blanket, their act having received a far different reaction than what they were used to. Rather than squealing incessantly, the girls had given them the half-disgusted, half-patronizing look one would give a young child who was picking their nose. The two of them were conversing silently in twin-speak, wondering what they should do next. Eventually, they decided to simply start joking around; this attempt worked much better than the last.

Kasumi, catching onto their jokes, joined in with much gusto, "_Shear_-ly you can't be forgetting sheep jokes! That would just be _baa_-d!"

"Of course we're not _fleecing _you with these jokes!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"You said that rather _sheep_ishly," Kaoru intoned with a large grin.

"I _shutter _to think that you haven't yet switched to window jokes," Kasumi countered.

At this, Makimi leaned over and, in response to Tamaki's perplexed look, explained, "For some reason, sheep and window jokes are permanently linked in Kasumi's mind. She says that it's because her dad taught them to her at the same time."

"Ah," said Tamaki rather weakly, "how lovely." Brightening, he added, "The love between a parent and a child is wonderful, especially when shown in laughter!"

"You know, it's kind of _woolly _of you lot to just burst in on our picnic," Kasumi smirked.

"Aw, you _saw right through _us, didn't you?" Hikaru pseudo-pouted in reply.

"You guys really are a _pane_," Hito sighed unexpectedly from her bit of blanket, in-between nibbles of brownie.

"_Ewe_ are a sharp one, aren't _ewe_, Hito?" Kaoru grinned.

"It's _curtains _for you lot and your terrible jokes!" Akimi shrieked loudly, suddenly squirting the joke-telling trio with her water bottle.

Kasumi turned her head slowly and eyed Akimi dangerously. "You do realize," she said in a low voice, "that this means war."

"Indeed I do," Akimi smirked back, her voice equally dangerous.

The host club males watched with bemusement as the two girls pulled out a deck of cards and, after splitting it in two, slowly began flipping them over one at a time, sweeping them away or towards them in an indiscernible pattern. Eventually, one of them wound up with all of the cards and crowed triumphantly. The other scowled, "I should have known better than to have gloated over the battle… it made me lose War."

The other girls giggled and snicker appreciatively, partly at the comment and partly at the looks on the boys' faces.

"So," Kaede began, only to be cut off by a burst of song.

"- a needle pulling thread!" Kasumi began, the other girls joining in quickly, with the exception of 'Hito.' A few of the hosts, after a rather impressive display of blinking, joined in the impromptu song.

"_Anyway_," Kaede intoned after the singing had subsided, "are you guys in any clubs at school?"

"Yes, actually!" Tamaki beamed brightly. "We are members of the Ouran's Host Club!"

"Ouran?" Hoshi gasped, feigning shock. "That super-shmancy place?"

"It's not really all that fancy," Hikaru shrugged.

"It's pretty normal," Kaoru added.

"Ouran…" Makimi said thoughtfully. "Isn't that where our friend goes?"

"Oh, her? Yes, I think so," Akimi nodded, cottoning on, "she did say something about getting into Ouran."

"A friend of yours?" Hunny beamed. "Does she ever visit the host club?"

"Yup," Kasumi giggled. "Every time it's open!"

"Interesting," Kyoya said, adjusting his glasses. "Would you ladies care to hear more about our club activities?"

"Sounds interesting," Tamami smiled, checking her watch, "but we've really got to get going. We've got a sleepover to get to!" With this, the girls packed up their baskets and rolled up the blanket; they then stood up and waved their farewells to the host club.

However, before they could leave, Kyoya asked, "Will we see you at our next function, Hito-chan?"

At this, Haruhi turned around, tipped the brim of Kaede's hat upward so they could see her grinning face, and replied, "Of course, Kyoya-sempai - after all, I'm a member of the club." She turned to her friends, grabbed Kasumi's arm, and dashed off, yelling, "Run!"

She and her female friends then beat a hasty retreat to Kasumi's house for their sleepover, leaving three stunned hosts, one laughing host, one silent host, and one calculating host in their wake. Naturally, Haruhi was going undergo much interrogation from her friends - both that evening and upon her return to the club room on Monday. Also naturally, she dealt out rather evil Dares to her friends that evening, including many prank calls to, impressions of, and singing to the hosts - much to the hilarity and embarrassment of the gathered group. In return, she was bombarded with Truths, and it was discovered how wonderfully she had been corrupted.

**Hoshi: star  
****Kaede: maple leaf  
****Tamami: beautiful gem  
****Yachi: eight thousand  
****Makimi: genuine beauty  
****Kasumi: misty  
****Akimi: autumn fruit  
****Hitochigai: mistaken identity  
****Hito: person  
****Haruhi: spring day (just in case any of you were wondering)  
****Sakaki: sacred tree in the Shinto religion  
****Claraowl: the author's unfortunate online pseudonym, due to a temporary obsession with a name (for no good reason, I might add) and a lifelong devotion to owls.**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**Ahem.**

**Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed the story! Please leave me your thoughts in that lovely little review box and have a nice day/night/et cetera. ^^**

**(Just so you know, the Judging Owl is judging your every move, and knows what you've read. Shame on you! ^^)**


	2. Of Truth or Dare Devolving into Insanity

**Hello, and welcome to the semi-awaited second chapter of ADwtHIaPitP! I only own what crazy stories I have extracted from my friends. ^^  
A special thanks to those who sent me Truths and Dares - especially popsoda2121!  
Please enjoy. ;)**

Laughing somewhat hysterically, the eight friends collapsed in Kasumi's basement. "That," choked Hoshi, the first one to regain the ever-useful ability of speech, "was genius, Haruhi!"

"You do realize that I'm dead on Monday," Haruhi replied, unable to stifle her own laughter. "They're going to interrogate me until I spill absolutely everything."

"But it was worth it, right?" Kasumi grinned, looking at Haruhi upside-down from her sprawled position over the back of a couch. "I saw a bit of your devilish side back there. I thought you killed it in elementary school."

"Thank Hikaru and Kaoru," Haruhi said, stretching, "they've corrupted me splendidly."

"How splendidly?" Makimi inquired keenly.

"You know that I won't tell you that," Haruhi informed her.

"Unless…" Kasumi added, her evil grin making its presence known.

"No, no way," Haruhi stated. "I refuse."

"Truth or Dare!" Kaede beamed, catching Kasumi's hint.

"A splendid idea!" Yachi grinned. "It's so great, it's even over Yachi!"

"You're never going to let me live that down," Haruhi muttered, tossing a stray couch parasite at her friend.

"Of course not," Yachi grinned, deftly catching the sofa cushion. "We've already gone over this."

"So -" Tamami grinned, putting the leftover brownies in the fridge for later.

"—a needle pulling thread!" the other girls completed.

"Anyway -" she tried again, testing the waters.

"—you want it, that's the way you need it!" Kasumi shrieked with joy. "I knew that there was something for that!"

"Let's play!" Tamami exclaimed, trying – and failing – to talk over Kasumi.

Hoshi decided to take control of the situation – which was quickly dissolving into a shouting match – by sticking two fingers in her mouth and whistling piercingly. Normally, this would not have been enough, but Haruhi had helped by simply slapping tape over Kasumi's and Tamami's mouths simultaneously – a talent she had been forced to hone by spending time with the devil twins. As it was, the combined efforts of the two girls brought an abrupt end to the shouting match. They nodded to each other, and then removed the tape.

"Let me guess," Kaede giggled. "Blame the hosts, right?"

"How did you know?" Haruhi asked, tucking the rolls of tape back into her sleeves.

"I had a hypothesis," she shrugged. "I made a few observations earlier, and I now deem it time to perform an experiment."

"In other words," Makimi interjected, "it's time for Truth or Dare!"

"No. I refuse," Haruhi stated again, glaring at her old friends.

"Why are you so dead set against it anyway, Hito-chan?" Yachi asked, fluffing Haruhi's hair. "You used to basically demand that we play it during our sleepovers in middle school. You were obsessed."

"Well, excuse me for winding up at a different sleepover _because_ of Truth or Dare," Haruhi spat, then instantly regretted it as her friends exchanged evil grins.

"Anchovies!" Kasumi shouted, and they pounced. Within instants, Haruhi found herself trapped in a rather large group hug, wrapped in a blanket.

"You guys are as bad as the host club," Haruhi sighed.

"And yet you love us anyway," Hoshi giggled, swooning dramatically into Haruhi's lap.

"Did I say that I didn't?" Haruhi demanded, mildly insulted.

"Nope!" Kasumi grinned, planting a friendly kiss on Haruhi's cheek.

"I missed you guys," Haruhi sighed, relaxing against the other seven girls.

"We missed you, too," Akimi gushed.

"Yeah, we could never get the fruit-world domination theory just right without you," sighed Kasumi.

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Haruhi asked, raising her eyebrows. "I figured it out."

"Tell us!" her surrounding sardines exclaimed.

"If you wish," Haruhi smirked, and then took a deep breath. "While bananas would gain world domination more quickly than pineapples, pineapples would be able to stay in control longer. Bananas, due to their association with comedy, could take over more quickly due to how unexpected their coup d'état would be; however, they wouldn't be able to hold onto their power because, frankly, bananas can't do much without coconut minions – for example, by the time they get one world leader immobilized by laughter, the next one has recovered and has eaten the commanding banana. Therefore, if the pineapples decided to take over, all they'd have to do was get the idiotic coconuts to come over to their side, as the pineapples themselves are already tough and spiny. While bananas are good initially, they lose to pineapples once the idiotic coconuts switch sides. The zucchinis and pumpkins eventually swoop in and triumph, though, with help from the spider plants."

"Zucchinis, pumpkins, and spider plants aren't even fruit," Kasumi protested.

"Exactly; that's why it's brilliant," Makimi beamed. "As expected of our Haruhi. Only she would realize that it's a combination of vegetables and houseplants that is needed for world domination."

"Then am I allowed out of sardine-lock now?" Haruhi asked, injecting a note of hope into her voice.

"You know full well that we can't do that until you agree with us," Kasumi smirked. "After all, you've initiated enough of them."

"Guilty as charged," Haruhi shrugged. "Fine, I'll play, but under duress."

"Circle rules," Yachi informed the rest of the group as they settled into position. "Each person asks one Truth or hands out one Dare to the person of their choice, and then the person next to them has their asking turn."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Haruhi muttered, silently reflecting that she had been muttering a rather lot tonight.

"Of course you do," Kasumi grinned, sprawling on the ground next to her and resting her head on Haruhi's thigh. "You are Haruhi, after all."

"Okay, I'm starting!" Yachi grinned. "Haruhi, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," Haruhi sighed. "This is going to devolve into interrogation, isn't it?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Hoshi gasped. "You can't choose the same thing three times in a row, after all."

"Let's start it out simply," Yachi snickered. "If the host club could see Kasumi's position right now, would she be the object of their envy?"

Haruhi stared blankly at her for a moment, and then shrugged. "Probably, for some of them, at least. A few of them do stuff like this all the time."

After a few shared glances and much raising of the eyebrows from the other girls, Tamami took her turn. "Haruhi, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," Haruhi sighed, resigning herself to an interrogation with an inner grin.

"Who do you dream about most often, and in what ways?"

To the utter surprise of the surrounding girls, Haruhi's face turned bright red. "I guess that I dream about all of the hosts pretty equally."

Kasumi grinned up at the lobster-faced tanuki. "Been having naughty dreams, Ha-ru-hi?"

Haruhi closed her eyes. "The theater, the theater, what's happened to the theater?"

"About time!" Yachi shrieked suddenly. "It's about flippin' time! Which one is it?"

"That's another question entirely," Haruhi pointed out, her cheeks cerise.

"Truth or Dare?" Kaede demanded.

"Dare," Haruhi smiled, enjoying the anticipation in the air. "I have done two Truths, after all."

"Fine…" Kaede murmured, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "I dare you to kiss the portrait of the host you've had the naughtiest dream about."

Haruhi blanched, her mind whirling through dream after dream. "The naughtiest…?" she choked.

"Yup," Kaede confirmed bluntly, "whichever host you've done the most with in dreams is the one whose portrait you shall kiss."

"You're evil," Haruhi muttered, fishing the bracelet out of her bag.

"I never claimed to be good," Kaede pointed out.

"That's my line!" Makimi said indignantly. "You're stealing my line!"

"My apologies, madam," Kaede whispered, bowing.

"They are accepted," Makimi nodded.

Haruhi made use of this distraction by quickly placing five kisses on the portrait bracelet.

Kasumi, who had not been distracted, raised her eyebrows. "Really? All of them but chibi-man?"

"Yes," Haruhi muttered, "on average."

"You do realize that I shall blackmail you with this," Kasumi whispered.

"You do realize that I have far more incriminating information about you," Haruhi shot back.

"Yes, but this is too good of a chance to miss," Kasumi snickered. "Hey, guys -"

Haruhi's eye narrowed. "Fencepost."

Kasumi gasped, "You wouldn't dare."

"Would I?" Haruhi asked dangerously.

"Yes," Kasumi muttered in defeat, "under duress."

"What now? What did you discover, to have her threaten fencepost?" Akimi giggled.

"What is the deal with fencepost, anyway?" Tamami asked, braiding Kaede's bangs.

"Nothing!" Kasumi yelped, a bit too quickly.

"Tell us," the others grinned. "Tell us, Kasumi."

"I know who Haruhi kissed!" Kasumi burst out, effectively redirecting the conversation.

"Wait, what?" Yachi gasped. "For real?"

"All of them except chibi-man!" Kasumi yelped, disentangling herself from a furious Haruhi.

"You… are… so… dead," Haruhi growled.

"It was worth it," Kasumi gasped, grinning.

"Oh, really?" Haruhi whispered. An evil smirk crossed her face, and then she announced, "Kasumi is embarrassed because she humped a fencepost!"

"You _what_?" Kaede yelped.

"It was during Truth or Dare!" Kasumi yelled furiously.

"I have pictures," Haruhi whispered to Kasumi. "Drop the kiss thing now, and I won't show them."

"Fine," Kasumi muttered.

"Thanks," Haruhi whispered.

"I had to," Kasumi explained to the others, who had all but forgotten about the portrait-kissing. "Haruhi asked me during truth what the most embarrassing thing my dog had ever done was. When I told her that it was when he humped another dog in the park, she didn't know what that meant. Then she all but made me show her what I meant," she spat, glaring pointedly at Haruhi.

Haruhi shrugged. "What can I say? I used to be innocent."

"'Used to be'?" Tamami repeated keenly. "Does that mean you're not an innocent anymore?"

"Eh…?" Kasumi gasped, her eyes tearing up. "Did one of those nasty hosts take your innocence before I got to?"

"N-Not like that," Haruhi muttered, her face red. "Not exactly, anyway…."

"Well, that's a relief," Kasumi laughed, drying her eyes and beaming.

"When did you learn to fake tears?" Makimi asked with interest, leaning against Yachi.

"Hoshi taught me a few weeks ago," Kasumi answered, giving her teacher a high-five.

"Yeesh," Haruhi muttered, collapsing into Kasumi's lap, "you could be a host."

"Weren't we playing Truth or Dare?" Akimi piped up, pulling a bag of mints out of her bag and popping one into her mouth before passing the rest around.

"Yup," Kasumi answered, taking the bag and holding one just out of Haruhi's reach. "Shall we continue?"

"Back to the circle," Haruhi sighed, surrendering to her fate.

"Alrighty," Makimi giggled. "Truth or Dare, Kaede?"

"Finally, someone else," Haruhi muttered, sucking on her mint, which she had finally liberated from Kasumi's teasing hand.

"Hmm… Truth!" Kaede grinned.

"Okay, we've all met the hosts…" Makimi beamed, winking at Haruhi, "…so which one would you like to suck face with?"

"Ooh, that's a hard one," Kaede whistled, blushing. "Maybe… maybe… maybe Tamaki-sempai?"

"Typical choice for newcomers," Haruhi smiled.

"Is that a bad thing?" Kaede pouted, tracing the maple leaf charm on her necklace.

Haruhi shrugged. "Not necessarily. He can be charming when he's not being a total idiot… which is rare."

Akimi giggled, tracing the apple charm on her necklace. "Hey, does everyone still have their name-charm necklace?"

"Yup," Kaede confirmed, pointing to her necklace.

"I do," Hoshi giggled, plucking at the star charm around her neck.

"So do I," Tamami grinned, showing them her ruby-shaped charm.

"Of course," Yachi beamed, flashing her 8,000 charm.

"And I," Makimi concurred, showing off her waterfall charm.

"Me, too!" Kasumi grinned, retrieving her water-spray necklace from inside her shirt.

"Well…" Haruhi deliberated, when her friends stared expectantly at her.

"You mean that you don't have it?" Yachi gasped, hurt.

"Of course I have it!" Haruhi grinned, pulling out her sakura charm. "Did you guys honestly think that I'd changed so much that I wouldn't wear it anymore? We promised, after all."

"That's right – we did!" Tamami grinned.

"Sorry, Haruhi," Kaede smiled. "Back to the game?"

"Naturally," Haruhi beamed. "Truth or Dare, Akimi?"

"Dare," Akimi smirked. "Do your worst."

"Fine," Haruhi smirked, making Akimi instantly regret her choice. "I dare you, if you ever come to the Host Club, to attempt to seduce Kyoya-sempai… in front of everyone."

This was met by a rather loud chorus of gasps and one jaw-drop from the unfortunate autumn fruit in question. "Th-That's beyond evil…."

"I know, but you asked for it," Haruhi smirked.

"Totesfully," Tamami giggled.

"Excuse me? What was that?" Yachi snickered.

"_Totesfully_?" Kasumi gasped, attempting to contain her laughter.

Tamami buried her face in her hands. "I got stuck halfway between totes – totally - and definitely!"

"Ah, Tamami," Kaede shrieked over the laughter, "thou art so… so…."

"Tamami?" Makimi supplied helpfully.

"Precisely," Kaede nodded.

"Back to the game, if you please," Tamami said tersely, recovering from her woe.

"Okay," Akimi grinned, apparently having recovered from her dare assignment, "Truth or Dare, Hoshi?"

"Dare, of course, darling," Hoshi replied, applying a rather fake, stuffy accent.

"Okay, then," Akimi giggled. "I request an audience with the Queens of the Dare."

"Accepted!" Kasumi replied immediately, and then looked expectantly at the tanuki whose head was resting in her lap.

"Do you mean me?" Haruhi asked, eyes wide with innocent surprise.

"Yes, you, my little devil," Kasumi smirked. "After all, you never claimed to be nice."

"I never claimed to be evil, either," Haruhi pointed out, heaving herself off of her childhood friend. "I shall deem to accept thine request for an audience. To the corner, yes?"

"Yes, your majesties," Akimi replied with mock-respect, dropping an ironic little curtsy as she followed them to the designated discussion point. It was an unspoken rule that whoever had no ideas for a Dare was allowed to call upon one or both of the Queens of the Dare. Dares in the past that had been chosen in this way had always been perfectly delicious to watch – a prime example had ended with Tamami covered from head to toe in fabric paint and glitter; another, with Hoshi running from the guy she had convinced that she was a faerie in disguise, and would grant his every wish. There had been many more incidents of the same caliber, naturally, but the obvious moral of the story is this: Whenever Haruhi and Kasumi put their heads together, all insanity will break loose.

"Any ideas, your majesty?" Haruhi asked Kasumi.

"A few, your majesty," she replied, rubbing her hands together, "but I suspect that yours are much more evil – either that, or simply much more amusing."

"Why do you say that, your majesty?" Akimi asked, grinning.

"I say that," Kasumi beamed, "because our lovely little spring-day-sama here told me something very interesting on the phone the other day."

"I'd like you to remember, your majesty," Haruhi whispered, placing a hand on Kasumi's shoulder, "that I have more from whence the fencepost came."

"Yes, your majesty," Kasumi replied. "You do have some interesting Dares, however."

"That's true, your majesty," Haruhi conceded. "However, I do not have access to the said Belle or Jasmine costumes without calling up Hikaru or Kaoru."

Akimi's eyes grew quite wide at these words. "No way, majesties," she gasped in a hushed voice.

"Yes way," Kasumi replied. "We can extract the full story from her later; you can tell that she's aching to tell us a good story."

"Maybe," Haruhi shrugged, storing her grin in the back of her mind. "That's currently beside the point. We have a Dare to which we must attend."

"True," Kasumi nodded, dropping the formal speech. "My ideas mainly involve marshmallows and earplugs, if you get my drift."

"Indeed I do," Haruhi replied, "but it's a bit crude. This must be handled… delicately."

"I don't like that look in your eye, your majesty," Akimi volunteered. "Something insane is about to happen."

"That would be correct," Haruhi grinned, proceeding to inform them of her evil plot.

Kasumi looked at her oldest friend wonderingly. "What did they _do_ to you at that school?"

"You wouldn't believe the half of it, Misty-Eyes," Haruhi sighed, dredging up an old nickname. "To the circle?"

The other two girls nodded. "Nobody's called me that since elementary school, you realize," Kasumi sighed.

"Yup," Haruhi replied nonchalantly, taking her spot in the circle.

"Ready, Hoshi?" Akimi grinned. "The Queens have done it again."

"As ready as I'll ever be," Hoshi sighed good-naturedly. "Bring it on, apple-chan."

"Fine, star-chan," the fruitier of the two beamed. "We Dare you to don an outfit from the Dare box and then portray Tamaki to the best of your abilities. Haruhi'll give you a quick briefing while you get changed… and then we'll head outside."  
"You lot really are evil," Hoshi growled.

"Did any of us ever claim to be nice?" Kasumi beamed, only to receive a sharp - albeit somewhat weak – jab in the side.

"You're stealing my lines!" Haruhi growled, whipping out a pack of cards. "This means War!"

"Indeed it does," Kasumi grinned, "but we've not enough time for that. How about something smaller? You know, something like – a pillow fight!" With these last two words, she grabbed the nearest pillow and whapped it directly into Haruhi's face.

"You're on, Misty-Eyes," smirked Haruhi, swinging her own pillow at Kasumi.

It's fairly obvious that it devolved quickly into a free-for-all; it ended with the eight friends in one large, sweaty pile and all the pillows stuck, inexplicably, to the ceiling. In a situation like this, there was only one thing left to be done.

Kaede pointed at one of the pillows stuck to the ceiling and stated, quite calmly, "It's over Yachi."

At which point the pile of girls devolved into a mass of snickers, snorts, guffaws, giggles, chuckles, and general laughter - Private Laughter, of course, was not there; it was, after all, his day off.

Many long minutes later, Yachi came to her senses. "Hoshi, you need to do your Dare."

"Bugger," Hoshi snickered, "I'd hoped that you'd forgotten."

"Come off it, Hoshi," Kaede chuckled. "You know that Yachi forgetting something would be the sign of the apocalypse."

"'Tis true," the star sighed, disentangling herself from her friends. "To the Dare box go I."

Haruhi followed her and gave her a quick briefing about Tamaki's actions; with a final zip of an old dance costume, the Dare was ready to begin.

"Hey, Haruhi," Hoshi whispered teasingly as the girls trooped outside, "is he a good kisser?"

Haruhi paused, considering this question. "I suppose; he was a bit overexcited, though."

Hoshi paused mid-step, gaping at her friend. "You've actually _kissed_ him?"

Haruhi took her startled friend by the elbow and guided her gently up the stairs. "Technically, he kissed me. It was just for Truth or Dare; it was a requested entertainment by our customers."

"Who else have you kissed?" Hoshi demanded, allowing herself to be guided into Kasumi's front yard.

"The hosts, minus Hunny-sempai, and one of our customers. She was actually my first kiss," Haruhi shrugged.

"Don't say that so matter-of-factly!" Hoshi yelped.

Kasumi came up behind them and looped her arms over their shoulders. "Haruhi, did I hear that properly?"

"Knowing you, yes," Haruhi replied calmly. "None of them were by choice; the first one was an accident, Mori-sempai's was under the influence of a potion, and the others were during Truth or Dare…" Blushing, she allowed her sentence to trail off into oblivion.

"And?" Tamami prompted; the others had heard the topic of conversation and had crowded around the unfortunate spring day.

"And what followed," came the brisk reply, "but more about that later. Our little Star-chan has a Dare to do."

"Aw, bite me," Hoshi shot back, her grin softening her words.

Haruhi evaluated her friend for a moment, and then bit her ear. This, of course, caused quite the uproar.

"You did not just do what I think you did," Makimi stated in a hushed voice.

"Don't blame me," Haruhi smirked. "I was just following orders."

Hoshi had, by this point, regained her composure enough to throw herself into her role. "Aw, Haruhi, do you really love Daddy that much?" she squealed, wrapping Haruhi in a death grip.

"Sempai, let go," Haruhi replied, her voice muffled by Hoshi's shoulder.

"But, Haruhi, aren't I just so pretty?" Hoshi exclaimed, pulling back to allow Haruhi to look at her enormous, glittery fairy wings. "I was thinking that we could do this at club! You can be the fairy princess, and I'll be the fairy king – everyone else can be gnomes and elves! What do you think, Haruhi?"

"I think that you impersonate sempai far too well, Hoshi," Haruhi informed her with a shudder.

"Mon cheri, am I not the perfect gentleman?" Hoshi asked an innocent passerby, bowing dramatically. "You are, by the way, the most gorgeous specimen of the human species that I have ever seen. I would be content to bask in your beauty for the rest of my life. Oh – oh, farewell, then, my good sir!" The gentleman in question had, of course, turned heel and run from the insane girl with the antennae and wings. Hoshi turned to her friends. "May I, perchance, have the great honor of being in thy presence, dear princesses?"

"No way, sempai," Haruhi replied bluntly.

Hoshi then, naturally, retreated to the nearest corner she could find and held up some paper mushrooms. "Haruhi is mad at me…."

"Well, you can't deny that she was prepared," Kaede commented, cracking a grin.

"Dare's over, Hoshi!" Akimi called. "You can come out of your corner of woe!"

"Alrighty!" Hoshi replied cheerfully, springing up and marching back over to the group.

"The mushrooms were an excellent touch, by the way," Kasumi complimented, switching off the tape recorder.

"Why, thank you," Hoshi replied. "I found them in the bottom of the Dare box, and thought that they might be useful."

Haruhi shuddered again. "You really do an excellent job of impersonating sempai… it's kind of eerie…."

"Back inside, then?" Yachi suggested, leading the way. "I suggest that we all try doing a corner of woe."

"Agreed," piped up Makimi.

"I don't fancy the idea much," Kasumi said, winking at Haruhi.

Yachi, Makimi, Kaede, Tamami, Akimi, and Hoshi all instantly retreated to corners and shadowy areas. Haruhi gave Kasumi a high-five.

"C'mon, you two, your turns," Hoshi said, shaking a dust bunny out of her hair.

"Must we?" Kasumi pouted.

"Yes!" Hoshi yelled, tackling her and dragging her to a corner.

Kasumi, in response, rolled over to the next corner and pulled herself into a ball, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like obscenities.

Haruhi simply gave them all her half-oval stare, something that she had perfected during her time with the hosts. "If I tell you something amusing, will I not have to do it?"

"Maybe," Makimi grinned.

"Fine," Haruhi nodded. "Last April Fool's Day, I accidentally drank a potion that all but robbed me of my inhibitions and made me take some hairs to Reiko Kanazuki-san – you know, the one in love with Hunny-sempai. The thing is, it made me do all these crazy things to the hosts. Kanazuki-san meant to remove the potion's effects after I'd gotten some hairs for her spell, but was so excited that she forgot to do so. In the long and the short of it, I teased the twins and tied their ties together; somehow, inexplicably managed to fluster Kyoya-sempai; brushed Hunny-sempai's hair; kissed Mori-sempai and made him, for whatever reason, faint; and almost tell Tamaki-sempai something, but I'm not sure what. To this day, they all think that I don't remember a bit of it," she finished, flashing them a grin.

"Merlin's beard, Haruhi, they _have_ corrupted you," Kasumi blinked, emerging from her woeful corner.

"Back to the game, then?" Haruhi smiled.

"Yup," Kasumi grinned. "My turn."

"Why am I suddenly regretting that suggestion?" Haruhi muttered, taking her place in the circle once more.

"Haruhi, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, I guess," Haruhi replied, not wishing to reveal anything else potentially incriminating anytime soon.

"Well, as we've heard what you're capable of doing," Kasumi snickered, casting a wink at the others, "the next time you see a member of the host club, you must kiss him on the lips immediately."

"What?" Haruhi choked.

"Well, maybe not Hunny-sempai," Kasumi giggled. "That might be going too far, and you don't want to be cursed."

"I'm already cursed," Haruhi muttered, glaring pointedly at her friends.

"Lastly, me!" Hoshi exclaimed, breaking off the sudden glaring contest. "Haruhi –"

"Dare," Haruhi muttered, cutting her off.

"Perfect," Hoshi grinned. "Pick one of us – if we ever come to visit you at club, then the two of you must do an imitation sketch of the twins."

Haruhi sighed heavily. "Any volunteers?"

"Me!" Kasumi giggled, shooting her hand up into the air. "I want revenge on those hosts for stealing away a close friend."

"I resent that," Haruhi stated calmly. "I'm still Haruhi, even if I'm somewhat corrupted… besides, Dad'll let you lot into our apartment without worrying."

"They know where you live?" Yachi inquired keenly, storing away this information for future reference.

"Yup," Haruhi nodded. "After the incident with Hikaru and Kaoru, though, Dad won't let any of them come inside."

"What happened?" Tamami gasped, sensing something vitally important.

"They gave me chocolate cake with strawberries," Haruhi told them.

"What type of chocolate?" Kasumi inquired, looping an arm around Haruhi's knee.

Haruhi blushed. "Dark."

This response was met by a series of wolf-whistles and a rather lot of laughter.

"Nothing _bad_ happened," Haruhi huffed. "We just fell asleep during the movie."

"Disney, right?" Kasumi winked.

"_Beauty and the Beast_," came the muttered reply.

"What happened, then? Were you snuggled up together?" Makimi grinned.

"Come on, it's not nearly as bad as what happened with Kyoya-sempai!" Haruhi spat unthinkingly; naturally, she instantly regretted her temper.

"Quite the little playgirl, aren't you, Haruhi?" Hoshi smirked. "Not bad for a girl who can pass as a guy."

Haruhi put her face into her hands. "You know full well that I can't control what happens when dark chocolate gets into my body."

"Yes, but before you were only as bad as Kasumi on pretzels," Akimi pointed out. "Now, it seems that you become some sort of sex-driven vixen."

"I may be dense, but I'm not blind," Haruhi hissed. "I can usually ignore them, but you know what dark chocolate does to my inhibitions!"

"Yeah, we're all well aware of what it used to do," Yachi grinned. "Now, however… sardines!"

"You're not getting out of here until you tell us what happened with Kyoya-sempai!" Kaede yelled.

"Just sum it up in two words and a couple of answers to our questions," Kasumi wheedled.

"Dark seduction," Haruhi spat.

"Did you do the seducing?" Makimi asked.

"Yes," Haruhi growled, "quite successfully."

"Are you still a virgin?" Kasumi asked bluntly.

"Of course I am!" Haruhi shouted indignantly. "What kind of woman do you take me for?"

"Well, you do seem to be playing with the boys," Tamami said fairly.

"Only under the influence of dark chocolate," Haruhi countered. "Am I allowed out now?"

"Fine," Yachi giggled, sprawling away from the group. "You do, however, have to replay that first meeting of the hosts with us."

"Fine," Haruhi grinned, glancing out the window. She blinked, stood up, and started towards the outside door. "Mori-sempai."

"What?" Kasumi called, chasing her turtle-legged friend.

"My Dare," Haruhi panted, emerging onto the street. "Mori-sempai!"

Mori –who had been walking home from the dojo in order to better enjoy the crisp air - turned around, mildly surprised to find Haruhi semi-dashing towards him. He was, needless to say, extremely surprised when she halted in front of him, grabbed ahold of the front of his shirt, and kissed him; fire seared his lips.

"Sorry, Mori-sempai," she gasped, releasing him. "I had to." She then turned and ran, leaving a highly confused Mori on the sidewalk.

Kasumi was gaping at her friend. "Wow," she breathed, turning off the tape recorder. "Why do you seem like you do this often?"

"I don't know," Haruhi sighed, heading back downstairs, "I really don't."

"That was some kiss, Haruhi," Kaede giggled; the other girls had been watching from the basement windows. "It looked very spicy."

Haruhi, however, wished to change the subject. "What's your type?" she demanded suddenly of Yachi. "The cool type? The loli-shota type? The wild type? The little devil type?"

"I –I – what?" Yachi stuttered, surprised by this sudden switch.

"Or," Haruhi smirked, tickling her friend under her chin, "how about me?"

Yachi gasped, realizing what her friend was doing. "You little minx!" she yelped. "You went straight from one Dare to the next!"

"Indeed I did," Haruhi grinned. "Shall we move on, then?"

"I suppose," Kasumi grinned. "We'll have enough time to interrogate Haruhi more after the movie, eh, gang?"

"True," they grinned in reply, "very true."

And so the rest of the night was passed by a pile of giggling, teasing girls who had consumed entirely too many pretzels.

**Hoshi: star  
Kaede: maple leaf  
Tamami: beautiful gem  
Yachi: eight thousand  
Makimi: genuine beauty  
Kasumi: misty  
Akimi: autumn fruit  
Haruhi: spring day  
Hitochigai: mistaken identity  
Hito: person**

**Well, that was it! I hope that you enjoyed it! There may or may not be a third chapter (it depends on my school schedule), but I'll do my best. Please drop me a note in that adorable little review box to let me know your thoughts. ^^**


	3. Of Invasions and Dare Completions

**Welcome to the third (and, sadly, slightly less insane) chapter of ADwtHIaPitP! I hope that you enjoy this. :) Keep your eyes open for a Big Bang Theory quote, by the way; I'll tell you why at the end of the story.  
I own nothing but the insanity of Haruhi's friends and the pseudo-plot. ^^ Please enjoy!**

It was a calm, even slightly dull day at the host club. The leaves were rustling gently outside the window; the customers were laughing. It was all very peaceful.

Which means, of course, that all insanity is about to break loose.

"Hello-o!" Today, this insanity was embodied by seven girls from a nearby public high school. By now, you must be fully aware of the identity of the rowdy ladies bursting most unceremoniously into music room three.

Haruhi groaned as one of them spotted and made a beeline for her, ducking under Tamaki's outstretched arm. Moments later, Haruhi was treated to the death grip hug of her closest female friend, Kasumi. "I thought that you lot weren't going to come."

"Did we ever say that we weren't?" Kasumi grinned, perching herself on the arm of Haruhi's chair as the other six girls picked their way over, also dodging Tamaki. Only then, so it seemed, did she notice Haruhi's thunderstruck guests. "Oh, hi. I'm Kasumi, by the way. Nice to meet y'all."

"Are you friends of Haruhi-kun's?" Miyako, a regular guest, asked, blinking at the seven commoner girls who had invaded the host club.

"Yup," Hoshi grinned, perching herself on the other arm of Haruhi's chair. "We've known Haruhi for years."

"We heard that Haruhi," Kaede giggled, dangling her arms over the back of Haruhi's chair, "was working at a host club now, so we thought we'd drop by to see how it's working out."

"Why?" Haruhi asked, putting her hand to her temples. "I'm happy to see you and all, but wouldn't it have made more since to just drop by one weekend?"

"If we did that, then we couldn't cause absolute chaos," Kasumi pointed out calmly, reaching for Haruhi's neckline and tugging her tie loose.

Haruhi simply treated her best friend to a marvelous specimen of a half-oval stare.

Makimi plopped herself down on the arm of the couch, next to one of the customers. "Do you come here often?"

The customer in question, Mira, blushed delicately. "Yes, generally… I enjoy Haruhi-kun's company."

Miyako glanced at Haruhi. "How do you know these girls, Haruhi-kun?"

Haruhi sighed, "I've known them since elementary and middle school. Kasumi," here she paused, motioning to the not-so-misty-eyed girl, "was always in my class. The others were in and out, depending on the classroom assignments."

"You really had us fooled, though," Akimi beamed, winking heavily. "We could've sworn that you were a girl!"

"I don't think that it helped that your dad always kept your hair long," Yachi grinned, pulling out some pictures. "See?" she smirked, showing them to Haruhi's customers. "Wasn't Haruhi just adorable as a little kid?"

As the customers squealed over the pictures, Haruhi glared at Yachi, shooting daggers with her eyes; Yachi pretended not to notice. Haruhi tugged at the collar of her shirt in frustration, and in doing so caused her necklace to pop out from its hiding place. Haruhi, naturally, did not notice; Tamami did, but said nothing, and merely reached for a scone.

"Wow, he did look like a girl!" Mira exclaimed, blushing delicately once more.

"Yup, and had us completely fooled – but now we know the truth, eh, Haruhi?" Kasumi grinned, before leaning over and kissing her best friend on the lips.

The scene in the host club instantly froze, with the exceptions of Kasumi, Haruhi, and Kyoya. Kyoya, naturally, made a small note in his notebook and snapped it shut, bringing the king of the host club to his senses and allowing him to hurtle across the room.

Haruhi hissed against Kasumi's lips, "That wasn't your first kiss, was it, Kasumi?"

Kasumi grinned and drew back slightly, winking at her friend. "Of course it was! Now we're even."

By this time, Tamaki had arrived and was being held back by Kaede and Yachi, who were asking him several complicated questions regarding royalty. He, of course, switched back into host mode and attempted to charm them; as it transpired, his attempt failed miserably – after all, Haruhi had warned all of them about his tricks.

Kasumi drew back and shrugged at the stunned group. "Hey, what's one for old times' sake?"

Haruhi suddenly sat up straighter, remembering something; she tugged at Kasumi's shirt sleeve. "Not here, Kasumi-nee-chan. They won't like you if you do."

Kasumi stared blankly at Haruhi before a quirk of the female host's eyebrow clued her in, and then replied, "I'm so sorry, Haruhi, but I couldn't help myself. You're just too cute when you're shocked." She hugged Haruhi to herself, silently giggling.

Hoshi nodded in approval; the lessons she had given the girls seemed to have worked, which was a miracle in Haruhi's case. Granted, the delivery of her lines was a little stilted, but it was close enough to natural that nobody really noticed.

Hikaru and Kaoru had, by this time, wandered over to see what the ruckus was all about. They were, needless to say, utterly shocked when they say their toy in the arms of someone else – and a girl, at that. Huffing, Hikaru began to push his way through the growing crowd of girls; Kaoru stopped him by grabbing his sleeve.

"What?" Hikaru growled.

"It's not real," Kaoru stated calmly.

"What do you mean, it's not real? They're right there!" Hikaru half-shouted, pointing unnecessarily to where Haruhi was pretending to blush as Kasumi whispered something to her.

"I mean that they're mocking us," Kaoru informed him. "They're taking a bit of our act and twisting it to suit them. It must've come up during Truth or Dare; they said that they had a sleepover to go to when they left us in the park."

Hikaru, finally grasping what his twin was telling him, ceased his yelling and slowly walked over to Haruhi and Kasumi. "Funny," he whispered, leaning down to the two girls, "I would've thought that Haruhi would be the pitcher."

"Yeah, but I won Rock-Dagger-Book-Wizard-Owl," Kasumi grinned, disentangling herself from Haruhi, as their Dare was now over.

Haruhi dusted herself off and blinked a few times, as if switching brains, and then looked around in surprise. "Kasumi? Hoshi? Yachi? What are you guys doing at the host club?"

Yachi, sensing Haruhi's ruse, turned to Kasumi and shook her finger in Misty-Eyes' face. "Naughty, naughty Kasumi; you made the Ruhahi come out again. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Kasumi simply shrugged, beaming; trust Haruhi and Yachi to pull something like that out of midair.

Tamami giggled, turning to the group at large, "The Ruhahi is what we call the crazy portion of Haruhi's brain. It comes out if she gets a large shock or eats a certain type of food."

Akimi, who had been watching calmly, walked over to Kyoya as things eventually settled down. "Surprised to see us, Kyoya-sempai?"

"Not at all," he replied coolly, raising an eyebrow at her.

"That's what I figured you'd say," Akimi smirked. "Haruhi told us an awful lot about you."

"Is that a singular or a plural 'you'?" Kyoya inquired, opening his notebook and jotting something down.

"Both," Akimi intoned knowingly, "but some of it had to be extracted by force. I hear that you like dark chocolate."

Kyoya froze for an almost imperceptible moment before answering, "It is good for a person's health to eat at least one ounce per day."

"From what I've heard, it's good for more than health, sempai," Akimi grinned, reaching up and actually daring to snap his notebook shut.

From across the room, the assembled group of crazy commoners watched intently, giggling. Haruhi put one hand to her temple and rubbed, marveling at how truly foolish her friend was. _Then again,_ she mused, _I suppose that none of us can refuse a Dare._

Kyoya pushed his glasses up slightly, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "May I ask what you are doing?"

"A Dare," Akimi chirped brightly, bouncing onto her tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek. "I was supposed to seduce you, but that didn't work out too well." She glanced at her watch, and then clapped her hands sharply. "It was nice seeing you again, but I really must be off; I have an essay due in a couple of days." With that, she skipped over to the group of crazy commoners, grabbed her cousin by the arm, and bade farewell to the others. Makimi called out a farewell as she was half-dragged out of the room, snickering.

"That was excellent, Akimi," Makimi giggled.

"Remind me to kill Haruhi," an embarrassed Akimi growled, dragging her cousin past an extremely confused Ristu Kasanoda.

The unfortunate Yakuza-boss-to-be blinked a few times in the commoners' wake before entering the host club. He was met with the sight of five unknown commoners surrounding Haruhi, laughing at something as Haruhi pushed the heel of her left hand against her forehead.

"Come on, Haruhi, you've got to admit that that was a good impression of you," Hoshi beamed, bowing to accept the applause of the gathered customers.

"You have yet to adequately answer my question as to why you are here," Haruhi shot back, unconsciously rubbing her necklace charm with her right hand.

Tamami, noticing this sign of utter irritation, cut in quickly, "We were worried about you. Everyone from our middle school class misses you, so we thought that we'd drop by to see how you're doing."

Haruhi smiled slightly and ceased the rubbing of her charm. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"You didn't ask!" Kasumi beamed maddeningly.

"Yes, yes I did," Haruhi replied.

"No, not exactly," Kasumi beamed.

"Yes, I – oh, never mind," Haruhi sighed, deciding that it was pointless to expostulate with Kasumi. She then glanced up and noticed Kasanoda. "Oh, hi, Casanova," she smiled, unconsciously charming him.

"Wait!" Hoshi exclaimed, dramatically springing to her feet. "This isn't the Yakuza-boss-to-be that you told us about, is it?"

Kasanoda blushed. Haruhi had told these commoners – who he could only assume were her friends – about him?

"Yes," Haruhi sighed, motioning for Kasanoda to sit down. Unfortunately, her friends chose that moment to jump to their feet and surround him, so as to get a better look at him.

"So you're a Yakuza boss in training?" Tamami asked interestedly, standing on tiptoe so as to get a better look at him.

"Do you dye your hair?" Hoshi asked bluntly. "It's violently red."

"Why aren't you wearing a tie?" Kaede inquired, observing his yellow t-shirt.

"You must be really tough!" Kasumi beamed, striking a karate pose. "C'mon, I can take you!"

"Girls, let him breathe!" Yachi yelled over the ruckus.

"Yes," Haruhi intoned, prying her friends away from her obviously terrified customer, "you're peppering him with so many questions that his confusion level is over Yachi."

At this, the five girls intoned something that sounded suspiciously like "gong" and reeled backwards. Haruhi took advantage of their state of critical joke paralyzation and guided a befuddled Kasanoda to an arm chair. "I'm sorry about them," she told him, "they've had at bit too much air."

Kasanoda glanced at the newcomers in confusion; they had not seemed to be the least bit afraid of him. It was slightly unsettling, to tell the truth. He nodded gruffly and sat down.

"May I pour you some more tea?" Haruhi asked her customers, slipping back into host mode.

"Y-Yes, please," Mira blushed, holding out her cup.

"Haruhi Fujioka," Tamami whispered, "accidentally turning girls into lesbians since last spring."

Kaede, Hoshi, Yachi, and Kasumi all snickered. It was funny, after all, because it was true. Haruhi glanced up at them with one eyebrow raised; Kasumi communicated the joke to her in the way that only the best of friends can. Haruhi, upon receiving the joke, glared and communicated back that Kasumi was one to talk. At this, Kasumi shrugged.

It was then that Kaede's phone rang rather shrilly, playing the first few, notes of something that sounded suspiciously like "Jingle Bell Rock." The said maple leaf excused herself for a moment to take her call.

Yachi stretched and announced, "Well, that's probably Kaede's onii-san saying that it's time for her to go home. As she is my ride, I should probably scamper. Chao, chicas y chicos!"

"Unfortunately, I too must set sail," Tamami declared. "Kaede does happen to be the captain of the ship, so I, the cabin girl, must skedaddle. Farewell, good friends, until we met again!"

After these rather different parting statements were completed, Kaede poked her head around the door. "Yachi, Tamami, onii-san says that we have to get our butts in the car or he's leaving without us, and I don't want to walk home. Catch you later, Hito-chan." With a final wink and a few waves, the three girls departed.

"I guess that leaves the three of us," Hoshi grinned to Kasumi, slinging an arm around Haruhi's shoulders.

"Will you two just go home already?" Haruhi muttered, sighing heavily.

"Would you treat your best friend like that?" Kasumi gasped, pouting.

"In your case, yes," Haruhi replied. "You've more than done your Dare, Kasumi."

Elsewhere in the room, something clunked into place in Mori's mind.

"Fine, Haruhi-chan," Kasumi giggled. "I expected nothing less of you. If you'll pardon me for a moment, I must confer with our darling Hoshi-chan." She drew Hoshi to one side; the two of them ducked their head, glancing over at Haruhi every few moments in an overly exaggerated manner. Haruhi, who was far too used to this for her own good, simply ignored them and played the role of an attentive host.

"Haruhi, we will leave now if you accept one condition," Hoshi grinned, swooning dramatically into her lap.

"What is it?" Haruhi asked, casually twirling a piece of Hoshi's hair.

Kasumi, beaming, leaned down and whispered into Haruhi's ear. The customers watched with interest as an increasingly evil grin spread across Haruhi's face. Kasumi drew back, saw the grin, and laughed. "You'll do it, then?"

"You bet, Misty-Eyes," Haruhi winked. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Huzzah!" Hoshi exclaimed, springing off of Haruhi's lap and narrowly missing a collision with Kasumi. "Au revoir, ma cherie!"

"Au revoir," Haruhi waved, watching her two friends scamper out the door. She turned back to her customers and smiled, "Sorry about them - they're always like that. May I offer anyone a scone?" She leaned forward to pick up the plate, causing her necklace to swing into plain view.

"What's that, Haruhi-kun?" Mina asked, indicating Haruhi's necklace.

"What?" Haruhi asked, her hand automatically going to her throat; she then remembered that Kasumi had undone her tie, and realized that this thereby allowed her necklace to pop out of its hiding place. "Oh… it's a sakura blossom. My friends and I all got 'name-charm' necklaces during our last year of elementary school, and promised to wear them until we were at least out of college. A bit silly, I know, but a promise is a promise." She traced the sakura blossom with her left forefinger as she spoke, her eyes seemingly lost in the past. "It seems like it was a lifetime ago…."

Kasanoda blushed violently; Haruhi had never seemed quite so feminine before this moment. He stood up suddenly and departed, not wishing to complicate things any further for himself; he had already been rejected once.

"That's sweet, Haruhi-kun," Miyako smiled; the other ladies nodded in agreement.

From another portion of the room, Mori smiled softly, causing several ladies to simultaneously drop what they were holding and swoon. It had been, after all, a Dare… a promise. Haruhi was keeping a promise, of sorts; it had nothing to do directly with him, after all… she had even apologized for her all-too-welcome action. He sighed quietly, taking out a handkerchief to wipe of Hunny's face. A Dare, nothing more… a Dare was all it ever was, ever would be. His lot was to observe from a distance, to assist occasionally. His lot was that of the protector, of one who could never get too close. _Memories, _he reflected, _slightly bittersweet, are my lot. At least there is a grain of sugar in my lemon tea… that, at least, I can consider my happiness. _

Haruhi felt eyes upon her and turned; she met Mori's soft gaze and blushed lightly. _A Dare, _she repeated mentally. _I'm sure that he's figured it out by now. _

Much later, after the departure of the guests, Haruhi was pounced upon by no less than three hosts, all of them desiring information; a fourth host walked by, informing Haruhi that her debt had been increased by fifteen percent. Needless to say, very little information was extracted from the female host.

The rest is fairly self-explanatory.

**Hoshi: star  
Kaede: maple leaf  
Tamami: beautiful gem  
Yachi: eight thousand  
Makimi: genuine beauty  
Kasumi: misty  
Akimi: autumn fruit  
Haruhi: spring day  
Claraowl: We've been over this.**

…

**Well, that was the third chapter; I hope that you found it up to scruff, and enjoyed the invasion. ^^ Kindly leave your thoughts in that utterly charming little review box.**

**If you can name the Big Bang Theory quote, you get a cupcake… or a little drabble about what Kasumi and Hoshi said to cause Haruhi's evil grin. (Did you forget about that?) I hope that someone finds it. ^^**


	4. Of Haruhi's Very Favorite Jar of Dirt

**Claraowl: As promised, here is the evil plot of Kasumi and Hoshi. ^^ **

**I own nothing that you recognize. **

**The quote was, for those who were wondering, "It was funny… because it was true." Kudos to krikanalo, who guessed it first. I apologize for the Rock-Dagger-Book-Wizard-Owl confusion. **

**This chapter is dedicated to a friend of mine, who forced me to watch a certain pair of movies; which movies they were shall soon be painfully obvious. Enjoy!**

"Tamaki-sempai, Tamaki-sempai," Haruhi grinned, tugging on his sleeve, "do you want to play a game with me?"

"A game?" Tamaki asked excitedly. "Of course I do!"

"We want to play, too!" Hikaru and Kaoru exclaimed, appearing at Haruhi's shoulders.

She turned around and gave them her famous half-oval stare. "No," she stated bluntly, "this is a game for Tamaki-sempai only."

"My little girl wants to play with me!" he sang, spinning in circles. Tamaki was too busy being ecstatic over this news to notice the small, devilish wink that Haruhi sent the twins.

She turned back around and pulled a large jar of dirt out of her bag. "Sempai, this is my jar of dirt. If you correctly guess what's inside it, you get a prize."

Hikaru and Kaoru grinned wickedly and began to sing.

_/I've got a jar of dirt!_

_ /I've got a jar of dirt!_

_/I've got a jar of dirt_

_/And guess what's inside it!/_

Tamaki considered his options quite seriously for a moment and then, quite seriously, answered, "Dirt."

Haruhi gasped. "How did you know?"

"Did I get it right?" Tamaki squealed. "What's my prize?"

"Maybe it's a picture of her from elementary school," Hikaru suggested slyly.

"Or maybe it's permission to visit her," Kaoru beamed.

Haruhi shook her head solemnly. "It's even better than that."

"What is it?" Tamaki shrieked, his mind swirling with the many possibilities.

"Unfortunately, you will never know, as you didn't get it completely correct," Haruhi informed him, causing his high hopes to burn from within. "Your consolation prize," she added cheerily, "is that you get to see what's inside the jar of dirt." She then held out the jar for him to take.

Tamaki reached for it and, in his excitement, naturally dropped it on the floor; predictably, it broke, causing dirt to fly in all directions.

Haruhi looked up at him very slowly. "That was my favorite jar of dirt, sempai – my very favorite." She half-turned to Mori – who had, of course, appeared when he heard the jar shatter, in case help was required – and informed him, "Mori-sempai, Tamaki-sempai broke my very favorite jar of dir—" Quite abruptly, she cut herself off and dropped to her knees, staring at what had been her jar of dirt.

"Haruhi?" Mori inquired softly, concerned.

"It's gone," she said in hushed, panicked tones. "It's gone… it's gone!"

"What's gone?" Tamaki asked nervously.

Haruhi looked up at him with wild eyes. "The heart," she whispered, "it's gone."

"Heart?" Hikaru and Kaoru repeated blankly. "Whose heart?"

Haruhi raised one arm and slowly pointed in the direction of the nearest ocean – it was a mere, delicious coincidence that a certain king of the host club happened to be standing there.

Tamaki chose that moment to pass out.

Many hours later, at the Fujioka residence, Haruhi put down her rather engrossing book to answer an impatiently ringing phone. "Hello?"

"It's me," came an obviously grinning voice from the other end of the line.

"Funny, I always thought that talking to yourself was the first sign of madness," Haruhi smirked, recognizing the voice.

"No, that's only when you argue with yourself or inanimate objects and lose," came the rapid-fire reply.

"Interesting; to clarify, when you argue with yourself or inanimate objects and win, are you then sane?"

"Naturally."

"What's up, Misty-Eyes?" Haruhi laughed.

"The ceiling," Kasumi snickered.

"What's new?" Haruhi asked, knowing what reply was to come.

"New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, New Zealand, and New Orleans," Kasumi giggled.

"What about New Hampshire?" Haruhi retorted,

"Touché, ma cherie," Kasumi replied.

"So," Haruhi began.

"—a needle pulling thread," came the second part.

"Anyway," Haruhi intoned, and then paused.

"—you want it, that's the way you need it," sang Kasumi.

"I see," Haruhi smirked.

"Tundra!" Kasumi exclaimed, hugging her two Siberian Huskies to her. Icy and Tundra licked her arms.

"Now that we've gotten the preliminaries out of the way," Haruhi snickered, "why are you calling, Kasumi?"

"Did you do your Dare?" Kasumi asked excitedly, obviously bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Yes," Haruhi smirked. "He fell for it hook, line, sinker, and literally – he fainted. You, my dear, are delightfully evil."

"No more so than you or Hoshi," Kasumi sniggered modestly.

"Yes, but this plan reeks of you," Haruhi retorted.

"True, but Hoshi gave me the original idea – she sang the song at me – and you executed it," the nearly-never-misty-eyed girl replied. "Did you say that he fainted?"

"Indeed I did," Haruhi beamed. "He was standing in the direction of the nearest ocean."

Kasumi shrieked with laughter. "That's utterly perfect! Did you get a picture?"

"No," Haruhi replied, "but I'm sure that Hikaru, Kaoru, or Kyoya-sempai did."

"Excellent," Kasumi muttered, holding the phone with her shoulder so that she could rub her hands together evilly.

"You do realize that I'm still mad at you, right?" Haruhi asked, smirking into the phone.

"Why, whatever for?" Kasumi asked in mock-horror.

"That was my _very favorite_ jar of dirt," Haruhi informed her, her voice quite serious as she held in her laughter.

"I offer my sincerest apologies," Kasumi answered with equal gravity, muffling a guffaw.

"They are accepted," Haruhi nodded, her grin splitting her face neatly into one-third and two-third pieces. "Next week, here, then?"

"Naturally," Kasumi grinned in reply. "Good day, Haruhi."

"Good day, Kasumi," Haruhi returned, and hung up.

Simultaneously, in two different parts of town, they burst into laughter.

While this rather enjoyable conversation was occurring, the Suoh family doctor was attempting to calm down the young heir. "Suoh-sama, I beg you, listen to reason!"

"B-But it's not there, she said it was gone!" Tamaki blubbered, shaking uncontrollably.

"Suoh-sama, your heart is still in your body," Dr. Fujisaki stated calmly. "If it were not, then you would not be talking to me right now."

"B-But H-Haruhi said that it w-was gone!" Tamaki protested, waving his arms wildly.

"Why don't you call this Haruhi and ask her if it's really gone?" the wearied doctor suggested, deciding that it was pointless to expostulate with Tamaki.

Tamaki, deciding that he liked this idea, grabbed the nearest phone and dialed Haruhi's number.

"Hello?" Haruhi answered, still trying to calm her laughter.

"Haruhi-is-my-heart-really-not-there?" Tamaki shrieked in one breath, his panic reaching its highest level yet.

"Oh, hi, sempai," Haruhi beamed. "Yeah, it wasn't in the jar of dirt."

Tamaki, at these words, passed out once more.

"Sempai?" Haruhi asked, upon hearing a loud thump.

Dr. Fujisaki picked up the phone. "Are you Haruhi-san?"

"Yes, I am. Who are you?" Haruhi asked politely.

"I'm the Suoh family doctor. Did you tell young master Suoh that his heart wasn't in his body?"

"No, I just told him that a heart wasn't in my jar of dirt," Haruhi replied. "I wasn't talking about his heart in the first place; it was a movie reference."

"Ah," the unfortunate doctor replied, "thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye," Haruhi replied cheerfully, hanging up the phone and dissolving once more into laughter.

**Claraowl: I hope that this didn't disappoint you. ^^ I enjoyed their evil plot; actually, I had this written before I even had the second chapter halfway done. Ah, the oddity that is my brain… :D**

**Thanks for reading, and please feel free to drop your thoughts in that little review box, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with the story!**

**Oh – if any of you have a request for something to do with Haruhi and her friends, drop me a line. If I have time, I'll try to write it and give you credit for the prompt.**


	5. Of Pizza, Movies, and Sleepy Murmurs

_Knock, knock, ka-knick-ka-knack-ka-knock._

"Coming!" Haruhi called, scrambling around and attempting to find her bookmark. After several long moments of fruitless searching, she simply grabbed a tissue and slipped that in between the pages; she then answered the door. "Hey, Kasu –mmph!"

Kasumi had, of course, instantly tackled – or, as otakus would say, glomped – Haruhi once the door was open far enough to permit entrance. "Greetings, humanoid life form!" Kasumi squealed, wiggling into the small apartment. "It's been far too long since our last meeting, darling; how are you?"

"Exactly the same as I was last Monday, except for the fact that my best friend is trying to suffocate me," Haruhi replied in a slightly muffled voice.

"Oops," Kasumi said weakly, peeling herself off of Haruhi. "Is Papa-san at work?"

"Yeah, he had to leave for an early shift. We've got the place to ourselves." Haruhi led Kasumi into the kitchen, where the two of them perched on the counter as they had so many times in the past.

"Oh, yeah!" Kasumi said, digging around in her pocket. "I have a pizza coupon. Want to order one for dinner and split it?"

"Sure; are we splitting the cost?" Haruhi asked, stretching.

"We don't have to, it's free if we order breadsticks; I'll get those, since I'm to blame for breaking your very favorite jar of dirk," Kasumi winked, reaching for the phone. "Same toppings as ever?"

"Yes – triple cheese, mushrooms, oregano, black olives, and we'll add the sautéed zucchini," Haruhi grinned, hopping off of the counter and rummaging around for the frying pan.

"Sounds good." Kasumi nodded, and then said into the phone, "Hello, we have a coupon; yes, one medium pizza and one order of breadsticks. Yes, we'll have…"

Haruhi bustled around, listening to her friend prattle off their order. It was pleasant to have her best friend back in her kitchen; it brought back memories of days long past, when this sort of thing happened far more frequently.

"Alright, twenty minutes? Thank you!" Kasumi chirped into the phone, and then hung up. She hopped off the counter, stretched luxuriously, and then started cutting up one of the zucchinis Haruhi had gotten out. A few minutes passed to the sound of determined chopping.

"Hey, Kasumi, do you remember the double-color zucchini from your dad's garden that one year?" Haruhi asked suddenly, pulling another zucchini towards her.

"Remember? How could I forget?" Kasumi laughed, scraping her chopped-up pieces of zucchini to one end of her cutting board. "Those things were half early-pick and half late-pick squash! They were so hard that Dad knocked a nail into the porch rail without the shell even denting. The squirrels couldn't even gnaw through them," she snorted.

"Weren't they precisely half green and half yellow?" Haruhi asked reminiscently, gathering the zucchini pieces on her cutting board and dumping them into the frying pan.

"Yeah, actually," Kasumi grinned. "That reminds me – I've been meaning to ask – is Tamaki-sempai a good kisser?"

After Haruhi had recovered from the shock and picked up her cutting board – which had, of course, slipped from her limp hands at Kasumi's words – she looked Kasumi in the eye and asked quite calmly, "Are you out of what's left of your mind?"

"Probably," Kasumi grinned, "but the question stands. I heard you talking to Hoshi about kissing him once, so I'm curious."

"Why?" Haruhi sighed, slumping back into her seat.

"Why what?" the hardly-misty-eyed girl laughed, bouncing out of her seat to scrape her zucchini into the frying pan.

"Why are you so curious?" Haruhi moaned.

"Because, if you recall, you called theatre on five hosts; you've kissed all five of them, but didn't say much about Tamaki-sempai. Therefore," Kasumi smirked, "I sense that you're hiding something."

Haruhi treated her friend to an excellent specimen of the half-oval stare. "I think that your senses are all messed up; I have nothing to hide about Tamaki-sempai."

Kasumi's smirk grew wider. "You already called theater, Haruhi. You only excluded Hunny-sempai from the bracelet-kiss. You like him better than the others, don't you – love him, even?"

"Hunny-sempai? Don't be ridiculous," Haruhi retorted.

"You know that he's not the one I was talking about," Kasumi grinned, plopping back into her seat. "Your face is the same color as a slice of tuna."

"Tuna," Haruhi repeated, her mind whirring. "Did I tell you that I got to try fancy tuna?"

"What?" Kasumi gasped, the subject change completely derailing her train of thought. "You lucky gosling! How?"

"There are perks to putting up with filthy rich bastards," Haruhi smirked, pleased that her ruse had succeeded.

Kasumi growled out of envy, and then laughed.

Haruhi blinked. "What?"

"I just got this mental image of me growling out of a cross-dressing palm tree's stomach," Kasumi snickered.

After a few moments, a small light bulb went off over Haruhi's head. "It's better than growling out of Gluttony's stomach, right?"

"Yes, yes, quite, quite," Kasumi nodded sagely.

Haruhi was opening her mouth to say something else when there came a rap on the door. She glanced at the clock in confusion; it had only been ten minutes, not twenty. "That can't be it," she muttered, standing and walking to the door; Kasumi followed. She peered through the peephole, and then immediately clamped a hand over Kasumi's mouth. "Silence," she murmured.

"Haruhi, are you home?" came two all-too-familiar voices.

Kasumi grinned wickedly, and communicated to Haruhi, _Let me at them. I beg you, let me at them._

_No way in hell, Kasumi,_ Haruhi glared.

_Excellent, so I have a chance here?_

_ What are you talking about?_

_ Didn't you know?_ Kasumi smirked. _In the United States, there's a place called Hell, Michigan. Did you know that it freezes over in the winter?_

_ Interesting,_ Haruhi noted.

_Rather,_ Kasumi beamed. _By the way, you gave me permission to go at them, therefore –_ "I'm Henry the eighth I am, Henry the eighth I am, I am! I got married to the widow next door; she's been married seven times before! And every one was a Henry – Henry! – never a Harry or a Sam – no, sir! I'm the eighth old man, I'm Henry, Henry the eighth I am!"

There was a moment of silence on the other side of the door following this rather unexpected burst of song, followed by confused murmurs in two voices.

"That's not Haruhi."

"You're right; she can't sing."

_I resent and resemble that remark,_ Haruhi communicated to Kasumi, who grinned in response.

"So do we have the wrong apartment?"

"No, this one is hers…."

"Then does she have a friend over?"

"Probably; are they hiding from us?"

"Haruhi is, most likely; her friend doesn't seem to be hiding anymore."

"What do we do now?"

"We could probably just knock until Haruhi gets sick of the noise and lets us in."

This last sentence was followed by about seven straight minutes of various styles of knocking. It would have gone on much longer – that much can be assured – had the knockers not been interrupted by a new voice.

"Are you the ones who ordered the pizza?"

"No, who is it for?"

"They called themselves Sakura and Misty-Eyes."

"Yeah, we know them; we'll hang onto the pizza for them."

"It's OURS!" Kasumi hollered through the door.

Haruhi growled, "The twins are out there!"

"But it's our pizza!" Kasumi protested. "My – my precious!"

"But –"

"MY PRECIOUS!" Kasumi shouted, extracting herself from Haruhi's admittedly weak grip, grabbing her coupon, and flinging the door open. She quickly paid for the breadsticks, handed over the coupon, snatched the food from the befuddled deliveryman's hands, and slammed the door in the twins' faces. The instant the door had closed behind her, Kasumi tugged the lock into place and hightailed it to the kitchen.

Haruhi was left, somewhat confused, by her door. A few moments later, after the occurrences had sunk into her brain, she slowly followed her apparently ravenous friend to the kitchen. She quickly gathered the zucchini from the frying pan – where it had, of course, been cooking – and sprinkled it atop the still-melted cheese of the pizza. Kasumi was tearing open the bag of breadsticks and tossing them into a basket. Very soon, the two girls had finished preparing their meal and retreated to the living room. Kasumi, beaming, plopped down on the floor and proceeded to devour her slice of pizza; Haruhi, naturally, did just the same.

"You never answered my question," Kasumi stated suddenly, wiping sauce from her cheek.

"What?" Haruhi asked, looking up.

"About whether or not you love Tamaki-idiot more than the others – you never denied it."

"I said that your senses were messed up."

"Yes, but you never said it wasn't true."

"I never said that it was, either," Haruhi pointed out, her cheeks turning pink.

A slow smirk spread itself across Kasumi's face. "The game is up, Sakura-cheeks."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Haruhi huffed, crawling over to the movie pile. "What do you want to watch?"

"How about _Beauty and the Beast_?" Kasumi beamed.

"You're trying to kill me," Haruhi stated flatly, retrieving the chosen video and popping it into the small VCR.

"Of course I'm not, silly," Kasumi sighed patiently. "Think about it: I couldn't achieve world domination without your brains and devil-plots. If I _were _going to kill you, wouldn't it make more sense for me to wait until we were co-ruling the earth, and then slyly slip some arsenic into your cup?"

"True," Haruhi agreed. "Is it odd that I find that comforting?"

"A bit, but that's what you get with our brand of crazy," Kasumi beamed, looping an arm over Haruhi's shoulders as the other girl settled against the couch. "The pizza's good."

"Thanks for bringing the coupon," Haruhi smiled.

"Hey, no problemas, chica," Kasumi grinned. "After all, it was the least that I could do."

"Indeed," Haruhi said regally, drawing herself up, "that was my _very favorite_ jar of dirt." To the credit of both girls, they managed to keep straight faces for almost three seconds before dissolving into hysterical laughter. Eventually, they calmed down enough to sing (terribly off-key, of course) along to the songs in the movie.

"Hey, Haruhi," Kasumi said suddenly, as "Be Our Guest" ended, "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Haruhi replied cautiously; she didn't want Kasumi prying any further into the new subject than was strictly necessary.

"Excellent," Kasumi beamed. "Let me use that phone the twins forced on you."

Haruhi unwillingly forked over her phone – after, of course, she retrieved it from her backpack. "Dare I ask why?" she sighed.

"Probably," Kasumi replied evenly, switching on the small device and scrolling through Haruhi's contacts; she chose one, an evil grin spreading across her face.

"Who are you calling?"

"Sakaki-man," Kasumi replied unexpectedly.

Haruhi blinked several times, registering this information. "Why?"

"Haruhi, you kissed the poor guy on the sidewalk without offering any explanation – and, knowing you, have not mentioned it since then. You need to set things right, or at least have him over for a bit."

Haruhi looked at the floor. "It seemed like he understood that it was a Dare."

"And that leaves him thinking that you only kissed him because it was a Dare, not because of theatre," Kasumi stated, handing Haruhi the ringing phone.

"He doesn't know what theatre stands for!" Haruhi protested, biting her lip and taking the phone from Kasumi.

"Just tell him that you're watching a movie with a friend and would like to know if he wants to join us," Kasumi soothed.

"Fine," Haruhi sighed.

In the Morinozuka household, Mori reached for his ringing phone and put down Piyo's feather comb. "Yes?"

"Hello, Mori-sempai," Haruhi's voice replied. "I'm watching a movie with a friend, and we were wondering if you'd like to join us. Are you busy?"

"I have no plans," Mori replied, feeling simultaneously pleased and confused; Haruhi usually kept the hosts away from her house, yet here she was inviting him over. "What time?"

"How about in half an hour?" Haruhi suggested, after a brief pause.

"Sure," Mori replied quietly. "Until then."

"Goodbye," Haruhi replied, cutting the line.

Mori shut off the phone, petting Piyo absently with his other hand. _An explanation_, he realized, standing up and nodding to Piyo. _I'd better get ready._

Haruhi closed her phone and returned her gaze to the movie. "He'll be over here in about half an hour," she informed Kasumi calmly.

"What are you going to tell him?" Kasumi inquired.

"That it was a Dare for me to kiss the next host I saw, and it was just a happy coincidence that he happened to walk past at that moment," Haruhi replied, eating her second slice of pizza.

Kasumi raised an eyebrow. "'Happy'?"

"Well," Haruhi explained patiently, "if it had been any other host, it would have caused problems. Kyoya-sempai would have added something to my debt; Tamaki-sempai, knowing him, would probably spaz into the next dimension; Hunny-sempai would just feel wrong; Hikaru would take it too seriously; and Kaoru would worry about Hikaru. Therefore, Mori-sempai is the only sensible option." After receiving an exasperated stare from Kasumi, she added, "What?"

"Don't give me that!" Kasumi growled, turning off the movie as the credits rolled. "What about the theatre part of it?"

Haruhi's shoulders dropped in defeat. "I don't know, Misty-Eyes, I really don't. If I choose one, I'm afraid that the whole club will fall apart. It would change everything, and I honestly can't take any more change right now."

Kasumi smiled gently. "You're going to have to choose eventually, Hito-chan."

"I'm not ready to choose the branch," Haruhi muttered, hitting rewind on the VCR. "It would be easier if it were just the two, still…"

"You had another dream, didn't you? More recently than the dirt path one?" Kasumi asked quietly, taking another slice of pizza.

Haruhi nodded very slowly, chewing another bite of her now-cold pizza. "I was climbing a tree, and I had to choose which branch I wanted to sit on – which hand I wanted to help me up."

Something inside Kasumi suddenly snapped, sending her flying at Haruhi and knocking her best friend sideways – which quite effectively changed the subject. She started tickling Haruhi, causing the female host to shriek with laughter. "Wh-What the heck, Kasumi?"

"You were getting too darn serious!" Kasumi laughed, trying to fend off Haruhi's hands as the host began to retaliate.

"No, I wasn't!" Haruhi retorted, gaining vengeance by tickling her friend's sides. "I'm not remotely related to the Blacks! I've never even met Regulus!"

Before Kasumi could come up with a smart reply, there was a gentle knock on the front door; Haruhi's breath caught in her throat. Mori had arrived. She stood up, shaking slightly, and went to admit the whittler. He made a majestic figure, framed in the doorway with a soft breeze ruffling his short hair. He smiled slightly by way of greeting; Haruhi nervously let him into her home. Kasumi watched with wide eyes, comprehending the utter complexity of the situation and vaguely regretting her rash action. She shrugged the latter away, springing to her feet with a grin. "Hola, Sakaki-man! How goes it?"

Mori blinked at this unexpected greeting. "Sakaki…?"

"It's from a manga we liked when we were younger," Haruhi explained. "Sakaki was an extremely tall, athletic, silent, and gentle character. She got along well with Chiyo-chan, a child genius who entered high school early. You remind Kasumi of the former."

"Ah," Mori nodded, not sure whether or not he should be insulted by this comparison.

"Do you want some pizza, Mori-sempai?" Haruhi asked, indicating the half-full box. "We have plenty."

"Thanks," Mori said simply, taking a seat on the floor.

"I'll put in the movie," Kasumi beamed. "Are you okay with Disney, Sakaki-man?"

Mori nodded, remembering certain pictures that had surfaced one day at the host club.

"Which one did you pick?" Haruhi asked Kasumi as she plopped down next to Mori.

"Guess," Kasumi grinned wickedly, settling herself on Haruhi's other side after hitting the play button.

"_Aladdin_," Mori volunteered unexpectedly, observing the two girls to his left.

"Right in one," Kasumi beamed.

Haruhi sighed audibly and plucked two pieces of pizza from the box; she plopped one most unceremoniously in her plotting friend's lap. She then proceeded to smirk as Kasumi tried - and failed – to mimic the famous half-oval stare.

"That was uncalled for," Kasumi muttered.

"No, it was completely called for," Haruhi assured her, switching her attention to the movie. "Let's watch, shall we?" Having said so, she settled her back against the solidity of the couch.

Rather, she settled against what she thought was the couch; who, to be precise. Of course, she did not notice that she happened to be leaning against her sempai; no, that would have been far too simple. Haruhi must remain completely oblivious in all situations – such is her nature. Oblivion is not, however, in the nature of Kasumi. She, naturally, noticed this fact and smirked widely before leaning against Haruhi's stomach in a most comfortable manner.

Such was the way in which the three of them watched the movie, and the younger two slipped into dreamland. Mori, however, was very much awake, and all too aware of their positioning. Thus, he was essentially immobilized, for if he moved even slightly, the two girls would awaken.

That made the situation a bit more than sticky when he heard the key turning in the lock of the apartment door.

Before the story reaches that bit, however, it might be necessary to explain why his cheeks happened to be a lovely shade of cerise. This, naturally, was due to a small habit of Haruhi's: talking in her sleep.

"…Kasumi... don't tell…sempai…"

Kasumi blinked a few times before focusing on Haruhi. "Why?"

"…to tell… myself…"

"What're you going to tell him?" She muttered, placing her head more comfortably on her friend's stomach.

"…I…can't decide…one…"

"Pick your top three," Kasumi yawned, falling asleep promptly after Haruhi's answer reached her brain.

Haruhi muttered, "Maybe… Tama…sempai…Kaoru...and…Takashi…"

This simple sentence fragment was, naturally, more than enough to make Mori's mind whirl – not least because she had called him by his first name. "Haruhi?" he asked softly, barely breathing the word.

"Takashi…?" she mumbled, turning her face to him. "Is…you?"

He nodded, forgetting that she could not see him in her sleep. Her hand reached up and found his jaw; he caught it and held it, marveling at how small her hands were.

"Takashi…do you…?" Haruhi breathed, her eyes moving rapidly beneath her eyelids.

"Do I what?" he asked quietly.

Her fingers found his lips; a small smile graced hers. "You… spoke."

He nodded, gently kissing the digits that brushed his lips; this action surprised him. He had never acted anything like this before….

"I need…tell you…something," she whispered, "…about... kiss."

"What?" he prompted, slightly startled. He had done his best not to think about her actions that day after practice, not from his dislike of them, but for the sake of his sanity.

"…was a Dare…"

His heart sank; he had figured as much.

"…but I'm…glad…was you…"

His eyes widened; he laced their fingers together. "Why?"

"I…" Haruhi took a deep breath in her sleep, as if preparing herself for something. "I… think I lo –"

Unfortunately for Mori, the rest of her sentence was drowned out by a rather grating snore from Kasumi. It was not necessary, however, for Haruhi to complete what she had been saying; Mori, unlike many members of the host club, was not an idiot, and could therefore understand what Haruhi had been saying. This knowledge brought the aforementioned cerise coloration to his cheeks.

Which, as also stated previously, helped to make the situation a bit more than sticky when the key turned in the lock. Mori silently gulped, preparing himself for the forthcoming storm.

This storm swept through the door a few moments later, in the form of a lovely man who most people know as Ranka. "Daddy's home, Haruhi! Were you a good girl while I was -" He stopped abruptly in the middle of a twirl, still facing the door. That music… it was the ending of a Disney movie. A certain memory triggered in his brain; he began yelling before he had even finished turning around. "NOT AGAIN, YOU TWO! GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGH – oh." Ranka was met not with the sight of two lecherous twins drooling all over his daughter, as he had expected, but with the sight of one protector and one old friend cuddled up with her. His confusion is, therefore, quite understandable.

Kasumi lazily opened one eye, taking in what Ranka had just shouted. She poked the slowly-awakening Haruhi in the side and whispered, "You really are a little slut, aren't you?"

"No," Haruhi muttered groggily, unconsciously curling closer to Mori's chest. "I'll explain later."

Mori dared a glance at Ranka, who was still standing, somewhat shocked, in the doorway. He offered the stunned man a weak wave before dropping his gaze to the girl on his chest, who appeared to have an aversion to light – or so he guessed, as she had her face buried in the folds of his shirt.

Kasumi snickered, pulling herself into a sitting position. "When did we nod off, Mori-sempai?"

"Partway back to Agrabah," he replied quietly, suddenly quite aware that Haruhi's fingers were still laced through his.

"Takashi-kun," Ranka asked, smiling dangerously, "what exactly happened here?"

Mori nodded to the screen. "They invited me over to watch a movie, and then they dozed off. Haruhi murmured in her sleep a bit, and then you came home."

Ranka then grasped the entirety of the situation, having heard quite a few of Haruhi's sleep-confessions through the years. His eyes narrowed for a moment before his cheerful expression returned. "Kasumi, dear, it's lovely to see you again. Would you please wake up Haruhi? I'm going to go change out of my work things."

"Righty-o, Papa-san!" Kasumi beamed, bouncing onto her heels and tackling Haruhi to the ground, effectively separating her from Mori. "Haruhi," she whisper-sang into her friend's ear, "you slept with Mori-sempai!"

This, naturally, was quite the efficient wake-up call for the poor tanuki. Her eyes flew open in panic, instantly wondering who had given her that much dark chocolate. She glanced down at herself, let out a sigh of relief, and then glared at her smirking friend. "That was evil."

"Aw, was someone thinking naughty thoughts?" Kasumi simpered teasingly, rubbing her cheek against Haruhi's.

"Shut up," Haruhi growled eloquently.

"You were, though," Kasumi grinned.

"I was not!"

"Yes, you were," came the beaming reply. "You've been using him as a pillow since the movie started."

Haruhi's cheeks immediately matched Mori's; she turned to where, sure enough, Mori sat watching this exchange with slight confusion. "I-I'm sorry, sempai," she apologized hurriedly, bowing. "I didn't notice. It won't happen again."

_She's apologizing again, _Mori noted, saying aloud, "It's okay."

She smiled shyly, and then turned back to Kasumi, who was sitting on Haruhi's leg. "Kasumi, don't look now, but you have a Haruhi on your butt."

Kasumi shrieked accordingly, hopping backwards and flapping her hands wildly. "Get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off!"

Mori allowed himself a small chuckle. He then stood up, indicating silently that he should leave. He bowed to Kasumi, kissed Haruhi on the cheek, and quietly slipped out the door. Haruhi stared blankly after him for several moments before she tuned to Kasumi. "What did I say when I was asleep?"

Kasumi shrugged innocently. "The only thing that I remember you saying was the names of your top three hosts."

"And…?" Haruhi prompted; there must have been something more to it.

"You said something about Tamaki-sempai, Kaoru, and… let me think…" she paused, allowing the dramatic tension to build.

"Just tell me," Haruhi growled.

"I believe that you said… what was it? Oh, yes – you called him 'Takashi,'" Kasumi beamed.

Haruhi, quite understandably, blushed. She had never – while she was awake, at least – called Mori by his first name. The rest of her dream flooded back to her, causing her cheeks to adopt an even deeper shade. "No," she breathed.

"Yes," Kasumi grinned. "So -"

"A needle pulling thread," Haruhi supplied listlessly.

Nodding her appreciation, Kasumi continued, "Who are you going to pick – Tamaki-idiot, Sakaki-man, or Twinlet?"

Haruhi sighed heavily. "One of the first two, probably. Kaoru is still heavily attached to Hikaru."

"How are you going to decide?"

"With time," Haruhi replied, stretching. "For now, however, can we just focus on being two friends messing around? Things have been a bit heavy lately."

"With pleasure," Kasumi beamed, and smacked her in the face with a pillow.

Haruhi slowly grinned, grabbing a pillow of her own. "Is that a challenge, Misty-Eyes?"

"Indeed it is," Kasumi grinned.

From the doorway to the next room, Ranka watched with a heavy heart; the day he had been dreading seemed to be drawing ever closer… and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. _Nothing,_ he reflected, _except perhaps invite Kasumi over once in a while to cause mayhem. Yes, I believe that that will work nicely._ After thinking this, he entered the living room, picked up a slice of pizza, and ate it while watching the chaos unfold before him.

**Claraowl: This chapter turned out to be a bit heavier than I'd planned…. I hope that you enjoyed it anyway! :D Please drop a review in that adorable little review box for me and let me know what you thought!**


	6. Of Blood Red Goblets and Dreams

**Claraowl: Hello again! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to get this up – I blame a nasty little devil called school. That is also why this chapter's so short, but I'll post a moriharu drabble oneshot soon to make up for it. :D Enjoy~!**

"Sempai? What are you doing here?"

Tamaki had been out on his commoner exploration excursion of the week when he had happened upon a lovely little place that called a second-hand shop. This particular second-hand shop – a little hole-in-the-wall place – fancied itself an antiques shop. Tamaki had been drawn in by the exciting newness of the experience, which was why he found himself turning around in a dusty little shop to find himself face-to-face with a certain Miss Fujioka.

"On second thought, never mind," Haruhi corrected herself, sensing the forthcoming hug and sidestepping him. "I get the feeling that I don't want to know."

"Haruhi!" Tamaki squealed, leaping at her most predictably and proceeding to miss most spectacularly. Fortunately, he managed to crash into the armchair instead of the display of American Depression glass; he emerged with a dusty head for his troubles. "Imagine bumping into you in a place like this! What are you doing here?"

Haruhi sighed, resigning herself to the fact that she would have to converse with her sempai. "I'm looking for a new – well, old – mirror for our bathroom. Our last one kind of spontaneously combusted."

Tamaki stared at her uncomprehendingly for a few moments before asking weakly, "How can a mirror 'kind of spontaneously combust'?"

"It's a long, complicated story involving Kasumi, a bag of pretzels, and the force," Haruhi replied, pulling Tamaki to one side of the aisle so that a few star-struck girls could get past them; naturally, she was completely oblivious to the envious looks she was receiving. That's to be expected, though; after all, she was dressed as was expected of her gender today and Tamaki was… well, Tamaki.

Tamaki nodded, deciding to learn more about this in the future. "May I help you look?"

"If you want to," Haruhi shrugged. "It would make things go by more quickly, I suppose. I promised Kasumi that I'd meet up with her and the girls later."

Tamaki, beaming, had already set off around the nearest corner; fortunately for all concerned, he did not see the girls gawking at him from behind a nearby bookcase. Within moments, he had returned, holding a medium-sized, clean, and moderately-priced mirror. "How's this, Haruhi?" he asked, looking anxious.

Haruhi examined the mirror, noting the decent price and the good condition. "That's great, sempai. Thanks." She flashed him a smile.

He proceeded to turn a lovely crimson and look extremely pleased with himself. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she assured him, taking the mirror from his dangerously trembling fingers. "It even has a name on the back… perfect."

"Why?" Tamaki inquired, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Just a habit from my old school," Haruhi shrugged, adjusting her glasses. "There was a rumor going around that if you looked into an old mirror without knowing who owned it last, then you would be transported to an insane, alternate reality." She gave a small laugh, winking at him. "From the looks of things since I started at Ouran, I seem to have looked in one – eh, sempai?"

"Is that good or bad, Haruhi?" Tamaki asked, attempting and failing to sound casual; he picked up a piece of the American Depression glass on the nearby shelf, deciding to purchase it.

Haruhi looked thoughtful for a moment, before smiling slightly. "I have crazy dreams, did you know that? I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up as the old Haruhi Fujioka to find that none of this ever happened. Things would be – different. I don't know that if it's good or bad, but it's like one of my dreams come true." She smiled at him and then bade him goodbye, walking off to pay for her mirror before he could offer to do so.

He stared after her retreating back, his face deepening to maroon. "One of her dreams… come true?" His eyes widened; he brought a hand to his face and accidentally bumping himself in the jaw with the piece of glassware. He stood there, rooted to the spot, for several more long moments, before he came to what few senses he had, and went to pay for his glassware.

A mostly-decent fifteen minutes later, Tamaki found himself back in his bedroom. He rinsed out his new glassware and got a drink of water, admiring the effect. It was a delicious-looking color, so deeply rich. He downed his glass and set his glassware on his bedside table and laid down. He stared at it, sinking into his ridiculously soft mattress. The glassware winked at him, catching and refracting the light.

He sat up suddenly, reaching for his glass; to his surprise, he found himself in the clubroom, surrounded by his usual guests. He smiled at them; had he been daydreaming? "May I tempt you lovely ladies with some chocolate?"

"Tamaki-sama," one lady, a newcomer, whispered shyly, "would you do something for me?"

"Of course," he replied grandly, sweeping her into his lap. "Name it, my fair princess, and it shall be done."

She blushed lightly and held up a small, blood red goblet. "Will you drink from this? Please?"

The goblet gleamed in her hand, seeming oddly familiar. Something – a small voice in the back of his mind, perhaps – piped up quietly that this was a poor decision. He brushed this notion away casually; none of his ladies could ever dream of doing him harm. "Naturally, my lady," he replied, allowing her to lift the goblet to his lips. "After all, just one sip can't hurt."

Strangely, however, he would not learn how very wrong he was at his own expense. Haruhi had appeared at his shoulder at that moment, startling the lady in his lap. The lady's eyes widened. "You…" she breathed, pulling the goblet away from his lips. "You… you dare…?" Haruhi raised one eyebrow, as if indicating that she had every right to dare; the lady smiled venomously and offered the goblet to Haruhi. "Please," she whispered, he voice low, coaxing, "just one sip. You won't embarrass me, will you? Not in front of all these people?"

Before Haruhi could answer, the blood red goblet was at her lips and the liquid was pouring down her throat. "I still dare," she whispered, locking eyes with the lady before her, "and I will always dare, as long as I live."

"Not much longer, then," the lady beamed, fading into the shadows before slipping out of the door.

Tamaki, confused by this exchange, opened his mouth to ask a question, but the words never got out. Haruhi had turned pale, whiter than any paper – than any snowflake. Her lips glowed red – blood red – as the goblet in her suddenly limp hands crashed to the floor and shattered. "Haruhi?" Tamaki yelped, staring in alarm as Haruhi's legs gave way beneath her. A crazed smile graced her lips.

"Same old trick… one-use poisoned goblet…. I should have known… by the blood…" Her voice was giving out; she rasped, "… the blood, red on… the clear glass…. Well played… Mistress…Garden...Gate…." With a final, mad laugh, her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed, silent and still upon the music room floor.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki leaped over the back of the sofa, landing beside her on the floor in a crouch. He lifted her gently, feeling for a pulse, searching desperately, fruitlessly, hopes crashing around his ears, desperate prayers going unanswered; he leaned over her, close to her… nothing was working….

Tamaki came to, gasping, on his bed. Shuddering, he sat, staring with a transfixed horror at the blood red goblet on his bedside table. "No," he breathed, "it shattered. It… it can't be back. Haruhi – Haruhi – she must be alright. It's this goblet – I can't keep it." He paused in his mutterings, struck by a sudden thought. "No, I have to keep it – what if someone were to find it, and drink its poison? I've – I've got to warn –"

He fumbled for his phone, dialing Haruhi's number.

She didn't answer.

Shaking, he combed through his dream, trying to remember anything that could possibly help keep his Haruhi alive. His eyes widened; he pulled the nearest technological device to him and flicked open a browser.

_The Mistress of the Garden Gate__,_ read an article, _is a humanoid being used by certain writers in dream sequences. Her name stems from the supposed "gate" between the garden of fantasy and the walk of reality. She appears in the form of a tall, thin, pale woman with ash-black, curly hair that reaches halfway down her back. According to the stories, she is a self-professed romantic; this, apparently, is why she joins dreams. Joining dreams, apparently, is when two people have the same dream, regardless of whether or not they are sleeping at the same time._

_According to those who have experienced these dreams, she has a nasty little habit of making one of them think that the other is about to die. The dreamer who is about to 'die' is apparently told what is about to happen, and their dream continues after the other dreamer's ends. Supposedly, the one who watches the other 'die' is then terrified upon waking, and contacts the other; the one who 'died' then comforts the terrified one. This forces them closer, eventually (in the stories, at least) causing a romantic relationship to occur. _

Tamaki closed the browser; naturally, none of this made sense to him – how could this apply to him, if this woman only appeared in fictional characters' dreams? He shook his head, before remembering the last line of the description - _This forces them closer… eventually causing a romantic relationship to occur._ He blinked several times, his hand resting on his phone; he had seen Haruhi die in his dream… did that mean that they had had a joint dream? His hand moved again, dialing her number; the phone rang a few times before he heard a slight click.

"Hey, give back my hat – hello?" Haruhi answered, apparently pulling herself away from another conversation.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki gasped, relief flooding into his voice. "You're okay!"

Haruhi sighed; she had expected this phone call. Surrendering her hat to the utterly persistent Kasumi, she focused on her scared sempai. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Don't drink from any goblets, okay?" Tamaki asked urgently.

Haruhi rolled her eyes at Kasumi, who was listening to the conversation with Haruhi's sombrero perched on her head. "It was just a sleeping potion, sempai. It wasn't poison. After all, you probably drank from it, and you're fine, right?"

"Yeah, she's purr-fectly fine," Kasumi meowed loudly, rubbing her cheek against Haruhi's in a very feline manner.

"Sleeping potion…?" Tamaki repeated blankly. "Right…."

"Yes, sempai," Haruhi explained patiently, "it was a potion that made me fall asleep."

"How did you wake up?" he asked eagerly, being the ever-curious Tamaki that he was.

"Here's Kasumi," Haruhi said abruptly, switching the phone to her best friend; she heard Kasumi greet the Suoh heir with acceptably irksome exuberance. Wincing for her sempai's shattered eardrums, she made her way over to the rest of the group, the females of which bearing headbands emblazoned with the letters 'H. I. C.'

Makimi was peering interestedly at Hunny, who was sitting in the center of the group, eating a lollipop. "How much sugar do you eat in a day?"

"I don't really know," Hunny grinned, flashing impossibly white teeth. "I do eat a lot of cakes, though."

"I'm back, Mori-sempai," Haruhi murmured, appearing otherwise soundlessly at his elbow. "I set the Kasumi on Tamaki-sempai."

"If you had only twenty-four hours left to live," Tamami giggled, "what types of cake would you eat?"

While Hunny listed every type of cake he could think of, Mori looked at the girl at his elbow and whispered in reply, "Isn't that a bit cruel?"

Kaede, glancing curiously at Haruhi, who had snickered for no apparent reason, continued questioning Hunny. "If you could pick one of the ladies at club to be your girlfriend for a day – dinner, dancing, kissing, you know, the whole shebang – who would you choose?"

Haruhi smiled and replied softly, "A bit, I suppose, but it's kind of fun. You can't say that you don't find it amusing, Mori-sempai."

Hunny thought, his eyes flicking momentarily over to his cousin, who appeared to be – as only Hunny could tell – screwing up his nerve for something. "Definitely Reiko-chan! She's…." He allowed his sentence to trail off, his cheeks turning a violent shade of fuchsia. The girls of the Hunny Interrogation Committee smirked; they had heard about Hunny and Reiko's somewhat-romance from Haruhi.

"Just Takashi," Mori murmured, inaudible to anyone except Haruhi, "you can just call me Takashi."

"What are your ticklish spots?" Akimi inquired keenly, leaning over Hunny.

Haruhi's breath caught in her throat. _Takashi?_

"I'm not going to tell you!" Hunny giggled.

"Haruhi?" Mori intoned softly, one hand resting cautiously on Haruhi's shoulder.

"They let's find out!" Hoshi squealed, tackling her tiny sempai and proceeding to tickle him everywhere she could reach.

"Alright, Takashi-sempai," Haruhi nodded quietly, smiling up at him, "I will. However, we may need to extract my friends from Hunny-sempai before we continue our conversation."

Mori nodded in agreement; the two of them walked forward and calmly untangled the mass of insane high-school-age _Homo sapiens._ After this rather daunting task had been accomplished, they returned to their previous positions. "Again soon?" Mori asked quietly.

A bit away from them, the HIC had resumed its activities. "Are you afraid of the dark?"

"Maybe with less noise," Haruhi suggested, an almost imperceptible blush gracing her cheeks.

"Of course not!" Hunny laughed. "I'm only scared when it's really small and really dark!"

Mori nodded, beaming inside. It was more than he could hope for – he had thought his lot was to watch.

"So you're claustrophobic?" Yachi guessed.

"Hey, Sakura," Kasumi said, slinging her arm around her friend's shoulders, "here's your phone back."

"Yes," Hunny shuddered, "but lots of people don't bother me."

"Thanks, Misty-Eyes," Haruhi smiled, slipping the technology back into her pocket. "What did you tell him?"

Makimi beamed. "What's your favorite type of hug?"

"Nothing unusual," Kasumi shrugged.

"Bear," Hunny giggled, "or cat."

"What did you tell him?" Haruhi repeated, her voice deadly soft.

"Cat?" Kaede echoed. "What's a cat hug?"

"Oh, just that it was a Sleeping Beauty kind of deal," Kasumi stated innocently. "You know, true love's kiss and all that jazz."

Hunny blushed. "That's what Reiko-chan calls them."

"You do realize," Haruhi growled at her best friend, "that I'm going to kill you."

"Ooh," Hoshi sang, "Hunny-sempai and Reiko-chan, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Just to double-check," Kasumi inquired, "you're not going to kill me until after we achieve world domination, right?"

Naturally, the other girls joined in with the singing; Hunny blushed lightly.

"True," Haruhi nodded. "You're safe for a while longer."

Soon, the singing abated; Makimi, smirking, waved a bag in the air. "Hey, Kasumi, look what I've got!"

Kasumi, who had been teasing Haruhi about the prince and the protector, halted her quiet speech in the middle of a sentence. Her eyes bugged out; she squealed, "PRETZELS!" and proceeded to tackle the unfortunate gemstone.

Haruhi shrugged at her protective sempai with a slight smile; he gave her one in return, and offered her his arm. She took it, and together they closed the curtain on this chapter as the madness of the pretzel-high Kasumi was unleashed.

**Hoshi: star **  
**Kaede: maple leaf**  
**Tamami: beautiful gem **  
**Yachi: eight thousand **  
**Makimi: genuine beauty **  
**Kasumi: misty **  
**Akimi: autumn fruit **  
**Haruhi: spring day**

**Well, that's it for this (somewhat short) chapter. :D I hope that you enjoyed it! What did you think of the simultaneous-conversation style? Was it too confusing? Did you like it?**

**I'd like you to note that the Haruhi pairings are not set in stone – for all I know, some insanity will occur that could make Haruhi end up with someone unexpected. ****Reiko and Hunny, though, are permanent. **

**Thanks for reading! Please scrawl your review in that lovely little review box. It's its supper time, and it's quite hungry. **


	7. Of Preparations and Revelations

**Here is the next chapter of ADwtHIaPitP! I'm sorry for the long wait, but you know how it is – school, other fan fictions… the like. Yes, I do have 2 other fics that I need to work on, plus a promised romione and about sixteen takumisas. Yes, I shall work on this one anyway. I own nothing except Haruhi's crazy group of old friends. **

**Arigato to those who spiraled me some prompts, and special thanks to oreobabez, who got my fic-brain working again, and all those who gave me the T/Ds for next chapter. :D Please enjoy!**

Tendrils, swirling deeper and deeper; she leaned forward, attempting to reach the point – she was so, so close – her fingers curled around the envelope. She observed as a tendril slunk forward and opened the envelope to reveal the back of a photograph. The tendril presented her with it and allowed her to grasp the edge; she mentally prepared herself, wondering what or whom it could be. She flipped the picture over –

The alarm went off, squealing enthusiastically.

Haruhi stretched luxuriously, accidentally causing her book to fall from her chest to the floor. She smiled slightly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she reflected upon last night's dream. It had been somewhat lighter than usual – an occurrence for which she was grateful, as her friends had taken to interrogating her about her nighttime love affairs. She didn't see why they found this sort of thing so interesting; after all, they would probably have the same type of dreams if they were in her situation. She pushed the hair back from her eyes, making a mental note to trim it. Glancing at the clock as she shut off the alarm, she noted that she had plenty of time before she needed to leave. After hurriedly getting dressed, she prepared breakfast and sat down to eat and read. Her book was most fascinating; it told about key court cases from around the world.

Too soon, the clock reminded her that it was time to leave for school. She bade her barely-awake father good day and left, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder. Her train ride was mostly uneventful; there were, as per usual, a few people who mistook her for a boy, but no excessive or unintentional flirting occurred, so all was well. Haruhi exhaled slowly as she stepped off of the train, preparing herself for what would most likely be another insane day.

Ah, if only she had known – she would have stayed on the train.

The day started out innocently enough; her classes proceeded as usual, with her taking notes and the twins sending paper airplanes flying over her head. The sensei became irked, yelled at the two of them, and then turned back to the board. Naturally, the twins resumed their antics as soon as the sensei turned her back. Haruhi, admittedly, tried her very best to feel some sympathy for the poor substitute – she failed, however, as she was sitting between the sources of the chaos; no one could really blame her. No one dared.

It was not until lunch that things began to go awry. The twins had, unfathomably, seized her by the arms and dragged her to the cafeteria with them. She sighed, deciding that she might as well put up with being a thrall for a short while. Unfortunately for the twins, this meant that she also decided not to let them try any of her lunch. They proceeded to pout for all of three minutes, before noticing that their pouting had no effect on Haruhi; she appeared to be conversing silently with Mori as Tamaki blathered on beside them, though he was interrupted briefly by his somehow managing to get a 'piece' of pop in his eye. Kyoya adjusted his glasses, apparently comprehending something that the rest of them could not quite grasp; Hunny ate a piece of chocolate cake with relative calm, his eyes flickering back and forth between Haruhi and Mori. It was, in Haruhi's opinion, a rather pleasant lunch – and then, of course, it was ruined, though not by the usual perpetrator.

"Did you two have fun at the movies?" Hunny asked the silent pair conversationally, popping another bite of cake into his mouth; just like that, the peace at the lunch table shattered.

Tamaki's mouth hung open, staring at the trio before him. "Wh-What did you say?"

"I just wanted to know if Takashi and Haru-chan had fun at the movies last weekend," Hunny smiled, licking some frosting off one of his fingers.

Hikaru and Kaoru were staring at Mori in disbelief. "You -?"

"Calm down," Haruhi sighed, as the hosts began to raise a hullabaloo. "He gave me a ride home – it was raining, after all - and Dad insisted that the three of us spend some time together. We saw a children's movie."

Mori nodded in agreement, taking another bite of his lunch. It had been a fun, if somewhat bizarre, experience; Ranka had squealed excessively throughout the movie, and had insisted that the two teenagers share a tub of popcorn. Mori smiled slightly and took a sip of his water; he would very much like to repeat the experience.

Tamaki bit his lip, observing his silent sempai; could Mori-sempai actually be his greatest competition in the battle for Haruhi? His shoulders slumped slightly as he wondered if he had realized this too late.

Haruhi glanced at her suddenly gloomy sempai, cursing Kasumi for bringing up a certain dream on the phone last night. That decision was one that she did not wish to make – the cost was too great to enjoy the fruits.

Tamaki blinked; Haruhi had glanced at him and blushed ever-so-lightly. He clenched his jaw, suddenly resolute. Nothing was set in stone; he still had a chance. This was no time to allow someone else to steal away his little girl – his Haruhi. The rest of lunch passed with relative calm and forming plots; Kaoru excused himself for a few minutes to make a phone call.

After lunch, math class passed with relative calm for Haruhi; calm relative, of course, to what would shortly unfold. The twins did their utmost best to cause their usual amount of chaos, but they were understandably distracted by the events at lunch and so could not attaint that level. It is rather unnecessary to add that the sensei was most pleased by this development, as was Haruhi. This aura of relative calm continued until the second period after lunch was about to begin. The sensei was called out of the room for a moment; he then reappeared, looking mildly surprised.

"Class, we have two guests from a local public school who shall be joining us for the remainder of the day. They are here to observe the differences between public and private schooling." He paused, shooting a glare at the twins. "Please remain calm and make them feel welcome." Turning to the door, he called, "You may enter!"

Haruhi pushed the palm of her hand against her forehead. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" she muttered.

"Because things always seem to go bat-crap crazy on calm days?" Kaoru suggested quietly, causing Hikaru to snicker.

"Usually thanks to you two," Haruhi sighed.

"Hey," the twins grinned, "we resemble that remark."

The door swung open; two humanoid life forms entered, a male and a female. Haruhi, upon seeing their faces, groaned and put her head down on her desk. It was all too typical.

"Please introduce yourselves," the substitute sensei instructed.

The rather hyper female human beamed, having spotted some familiar faces. "Hiya! You can call me Kasumi!"

The male human bowed respectfully. "I am Arai. Thank you for having me. It's – eh? F-Fujioka?"

For Haruhi had chosen that moment to regain her composure, which had led to her sitting up; this, in turn, had led to her making unintentional eye contact with her ex-classmate. "Hello, Arai."

"So you really are at Ouran," he nodded, processing this obvious information. "Why are you wearing the boys' uniform, though?"

Haruhi buried her face in her hands; Kasumi performed what many people now know as a "facepalm."

Sensei blinked a few times during the deafening silence that followed this exchange before clearing his throat. "You two may take the seats behind Fujioka-kun and the Hitachiins, as you seem to know them."

Kasumi grabbed Arai firmly by the elbow and guided him to their seats, hissing. Trust him not to keep his mouth shut long enough for her to brief him on the situation. "See what you've done? I warned you not to question anything that seemed odd! Now you've created an awkward silence," she growled, releasing his elbow and dropping into the seat directly behind Haruhi. "Hey, Sakura-cheeks."

"Hey, Misty-Eyes," Haruhi replied quietly, preparing herself for Conversational French. "Hello, Arai. I'll explain later – it's a bit complicated."

"O-Okay," a truly bemused Arai replied, discombobulated by this unexpected turn of events. He pulled out a small notebook, so as to better record his surroundings for his essay – the two of them were, after all, there for an actual observational field trip. The remainder of the afternoon classes passed with a slight haze of befuddlement on Arai's part and a bubble of plotting on Kasumi's. As soon as the substitute sensei dismissed class, the twins grabbed Arai firmly by the elbows and unceremoniously escorted him to the clubroom, leaving Haruhi with Kasumi.

"What are you planning?" Haruhi inquired, sticking her writing utensil back into her lilac-hued pencil case.

"I'm actually here for a school assignment," Kasumi replied, sticking out her tongue. "An essay: Observing the Differences between Private and Public High Schools."

"Yes, but I could still smell your plotting bubble," Haruhi rejoined, swinging her bag over her shoulder. "Come on, today's a special day at club, so I have to get there early – and I assume that you're following me," Haruhi added, stating the fact rather than questioning it.

"Indeedy-do," Kasumi beamed, hitching her own bag onto her shoulder. "On the way, would you like to discuss how we shall capture the moon?"

"The same way as ever, obviously," Haruhi scoffed, leading her friend out of the classroom.

"Yes, but I'd really like a back-up plan," Kasumi insisted, falling into step beside the tanuki.

"Oh, did it finally occur to you that a herd of cattle training Velcro hands wouldn't be plausible?" Haruhi inquired, grinning.

"Sadly, yes."

"What do you suggest, then?"

"If I had a plan, would I be asking you?"

"Probably," she shrugged, "you are, after all, Kasumi."

"You flatter me."

"I know," Haruhi beamed, pushing open the door to music room three to reveal a circle of cushions.

A wide grin spread across Kasumi's face as she instantly grasped the situation at hand. "No way."

"Yes way, unfortunately," Haruhi sighed. "Ah, Arai – there you are." She walked over to him and proceeded to explain the situation.

"Ah," he said weakly, once her lengthy explanation had concluded, "I… I see."

"You're welcome to stay and play with us, if you like. Today is a customer-requested Truth or Dare day," she added, in answer to his inquiring look.

"Thank you," Arai replied. "That sounds like fun."

Kasumi beamed, wrapping her arms around Haruhi's waist from behind. "The girls will be along in a few minutes, by the way. They said that they'd come along after school."

Haruhi observed Arai with slight pity; the poor boy had no clue what he was getting himself in for, joining the upcoming game of Truth or Dare. In all fairness, however, neither did she – but, of course, she did not know that she did not know. "Why today?"

"For the pure and simple heck of it, that's why," Kasumi snickered, letting go of Haruhi. "Light switch, by the way."

Haruhi's expression grew suddenly serious, much to the surprise of Tamaki, who had come over to bother them. When he opened his mouth to ask why Kasumi had mentioned a light switch, he was interrupted by Haruhi turning abruptly away from them. She marched, with all gravity, over to the nearest light switch and flicked it off, sending them into darkness. "Dark switch."

The unexpected darkness had brought with it a sharp silence, broken only by the slight laughter of Kasumi, who groped her way over to Haruhi. "Light switch."

The room was once more filled with light, revealing Kasumi with her hand on the light switch; Haruhi stood next to her. "You do realize," the spring day informed the water spray, "that this means war."

"Indeed I do," Kasumi nodded slowly, pulling a deck of cards out of her bag. "I came prepared."

"I'm dreadfully sorry to interrupt the two of you," Kyoya intoned silkily, manifesting himself next to them, "but as the club is about to commence, Haruhi needs to get dressed. Kasumi and Arai, I invite you to find yourselves cushions. Tamaki," he added, turning to the highly confused host king, "I suspect that the light switch and dark switch skit was something from their childhood. Also, you need to get dressed."

"Yes, of course," Tamaki nodded, collecting himself. "But first –"

"We have arrived!" a voice declared dramatically as the club room doors burst open. As promised, the rest of the crazy commoner crew had taken only a few minutes to enter the club room. Haruhi, back in the changing room, wondered about the school's security as she pulled on her suit; after all, crazy people seemed to have no troubles when it came to entering the property. She laughed, mentally noting that if all the crazy people were banned from Ouran, no one would be able to attend – herself included. She slipped back into the main room, straightening her owl- and dragon-patterned tie.

Yachi, grinning, tugged on Kaede's sleeve the instant Haruhi reentered the room. "Spring has arrived."

"Indeed," the maple leaf replied, flicking the ear of Yachi's Pikachu hat. "Shall we greet her accordingly, or shall we simply grab some cushions and see what happens?"

"Shh!" Yachi hushed her suddenly, pointing. Mori had walked over to Haruhi and handed her the boutonniere she was to wear that day.

"Thank you, Takashi," she smiled, pinning it in place. It really is amazing the effect one innocent sentence can have on a group of people; at these words, all motion froze – Hunny even paused in his cake consumption. "Oh, your tie's crooked." Having said this, she straightened his tanuki- and chicken-patterned piece of silk.

The first – after Kyoya, who had of course not frozen in the first place, but merely made a note in his book - to recover from the impact of her words was Kasumi, who turned to face them, an evil grin spreading across her face. "Getting cozy, aren't we?"

Tamaki's jaw fell open as a light blush graced Haruhi's cheeks and the tanuki replied, "I don't know what you're talking about, Kasumi."

"Since when do you call him by his first name, Sakura-cheeks?" Tamami giggled, walking over to her and slinging an arm over her shoulders.

"It was when we were all at the park for the H. I. C. meeting, right?" Yachi asked keenly, nodding in a self-satisfied way when Mori affirmed this with a nod.

"I don't remember that," Tamami stated curiously, focusing on Yachi.

"How can you not remember that?" Yachi demanded. "We teased her about it the entire way home – you saw how red her face got!"

"You see, I have this theory," the gemstone explained, "that my visual memory has been removed to make a storage space for sugar. I can never remember anything I see, and I hate it when teachers say to 'visualize.'"

Yachi growled in exasperation. "Your level of ridiculousness is over me." The assembled girls snickered.

Hikaru and Kaoru, who had been unusually quiet until this point, chose that moment to swoop in and steal Haruhi from Tamami's embrace. Their Cheshire Cat ties grinned at the tanuki from two directions as she was tugged from her friend's arms and into those of her puppet-masters. "Been spending a bit too much time with Mori-sempai, haven't you, Haruhi?" they intoned, dragging her towards their position, as club was about to open.

Haruhi shrugged. "I didn't think that I'd been spending any more time with him than usual."

The twins growled in exasperation – much like Yachi had moments before – as they guided their toy none-too-gently into position, "No more time, our ties."

"Haruhi, look at my tie!" Tamaki exclaimed happily, appearing at her shoulder. "It's got teddy bears on it!"

"That's nice, sempai," Haruhi smiled, much in the way one would at a child who was proud of their fingers.

Tamaki, upon hearing the honorific, slumped most unhappily into position. _Why?_ He moaned silently, _Why does she still use that? Aren't we close enough? _

"Are you okay?" Haruhi asked as mushrooms appeared from their alternate dimension, as per usual.

Tamaki's head snapped up; Haruhi was concerned. He beamed, bouncing up to a standing position. "I'm perfectly alright, Haruhi! Were you worried about Daddy?"

"Enough," Kyoya interjected coolly, adjusting his soot sprite tie – which Tamaki had, of course, insisted that he wear. "The doors will open in one minute's time. I suggest that you take this time to compose yourselves before the guests arrive."

Hunny smiled slightly, fingering the piece of paper in his pocket with one hand and smoothing his bunny tie with the other. "I'm ready, Kyo-chan."

"Thirty seconds," Kyoya nodded, casting a glance at the assembled commoners on the cushions; satisfied that they were all in place and relatively calm, he faced the door and donned his hosting expression.

"Welcome!"

The ladies crowded into the room, already squealing in anticipation of what was to come. While they were initially confused as to why there was a group of commoners in the club room, they readily accepted them when Haruhi explained the situation. They settled onto the cushions with good grace and looked at the hosts expectantly. Tamaki swept his arms wide, sending flowers and Armstrong-style sparkles flying everywhere. "My lovely princesses," he beamed, "the host club welcomes you to a game of commoner's Truth or Dare, back by popular demand – and with the aid of a few commoners!" He beamed widely at the crazy female commoners and the befuddled Arai.

"Glad to be here," Makimi smiled politely, her legs spread out rather inappropriately – or, they would have been, had she been wearing a skirt. Regardless, it was an improper enough seating position to scandalize a few of the better-bred ladies. The aforementioned ladies fanned themselves gently with their hands. Mori nodded quietly to Haruhi, who leaned over to Makimi and informed her of the fuss she was causing. Makimi sighed heavily and crossed her legs. "Criss-cross applesauce," she muttered.

The other commoner females, minus Haruhi, simultaneously burst into applause, much to the confusion of the rest of those gathered. Haruhi simply snickered and decided to offer no explanation. Kyoya, naturally, made a note of this before taking the situation back into his extremely capable hands. "You are all aware of the rules of Truth or Dare, yes?" After receiving a series of vigorous nods, he continued, "Then let us begin. If you cannot think of a Truth or a Dare to ask, you may draw a slip of paper from the hat in the center of the circle. The twins have brought in a box, the contents of which may be used for Dares. Are there any questions?" After a series of head-shaking, he nodded. "Then let the game… begin."

**Claraowl: And cue the dramatic scene-cut!**

**(You probably already know this by now, but:**

**Hoshi: star  
Kaede: maple leaf  
Tamami: beautiful gem  
Yachi: eight thousand  
Makimi: genuine beauty  
Kasumi: misty  
Akimi: autumn fruit)**

…

**Ahem. **

**I hope that you enjoyed this! The next chapter might be the last, but the break between chapters will most likely be much, much shorter, as I have a good portion of it already written. It was originally supposed to be the end of this chapter, but it grew simply far too long. **

**See that box? It's not a box. It's a hungry luma. And those unwritten reviews? They're star bits. Please feed the hungry luma so that it can transform into the next chapter! :D**


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